Ok, so to say this year has sucked is the understatement of the year.
Lets start off the year by trying to get the house ready to be sold. Things go well and we have 15 showings in the first week and an offer by the end of the week. In the meantime we have found our perfect home that is for sale by owner. Everyone agrees to end of May as our closing but with the understanding that it will most likely be end of April. After this, it all falls apart. Our buyers demand money toward fixing the garage & carport roof and refuse to move up the closing date. The seller of the house we want is having trouble with the house he is buying so he threatens to back out on us at the end of April. Here we are, I am 6 months pregnant, and in fear of being homeless. At the last minute we started looking at other houses but it all fell into place and we were able to get everything worked out. Settled May 25 and everything went well moving in. Except that they took all the window hardware and left the house disgusting. So we made them give us $$ for the hardware and they were ticked! Needless to say, these people were jerks!!!
In the midst of all of this turmoil, we ended up having E in the hospital for Bronchiolitis. She was in for 3 days and it was horrible! Luckily she didnt need an IV or the O2 mask, just blow by.
Then in July, 2 weeks before my due date, I went into labor with baby #2! After 8 hours of labor and 9 pushes, O was here! We thought the hardest thing about her birth was picking her name. The next morning is when we found out about the DS. The next few months were a daze. In the midst of that daze, M wrecked the car which took forever to fix.
Then this past weekend we ended up in the hospital with O for Pneumonia. Just got out yesterday.
Needless to say we are super excited to say good riddens to 2007! What a horrific year, but I guess it could always be worse. I just pray our luck is better for 2008!
Tales from the world where things sometimes seem upside down. With 3 little ones, one with a little something extra, things can get pretty crazy!!! Character listing: M - Hubby; E - Oldest daughter; O - Middle daughter; J - Youngest daughter
Monday, December 31, 2007
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Testament of Faith
My church does what is called a Testament of Faith. Almost every Sunday someone gets up and talks about their faith. Since mine was severely in question for a while after finding out about O's condition and I was able to find my way back, I thought it would be perfect for me to do one for her baptism on Sunday. Please let me know what you think.
It is March 22nd and we have just found out that we are having our second baby girl. We are so excited and can’t wait to meet her. We have had the genetic testing and now the detailed ultrasound which have both told us that our baby girl is perfect in every way. Now all there is to do is start shopping and pick out a name. In the months that followed we found our perfect home and moved in. Our jobs were going well, our oldest daughter was a little angel, and we had the home we always wanted. In short, our life was perfect. M and I were feeling like we were on top of the world and couldn’t wait for our new bundle of joy to arrive. Really, how blessed could 2 people be?
It is now July 26th ~ I have been wanting this baby to arrive ASAP even though she isn’t due until August 8th. Around 430 the contractions had gotten pretty strong and steady and by 630 we were at the hospital. They put us into a room immediately and started setting up for her birth. Before we knew it, it was time to push. 9 pushes and she was out, she was almost in as much of a hurry to be born as I was to have her. She was born at 9:32 pm and was 6 lbs, 5 ½ ounces and 20 ½ inches long. It took us over a half an hour to agree to her name…O Lynn it is. Lynn after my mom Linda and her Auntie Nikki who’s middle name is also Lynn. After a rough night sharing a room with another mom, since the hospital was so full, we were anxious for E to meet her little sister so my parents brought her in. She wasn’t too sure about what was going on but made sure she checked out O really well before she was off running the halls again. While my parents were still there, our pediatrician came in to check out O. M and I sat there beaming at what an adorable baby girl we had. As we were waiting to hear the “she is perfect” report, we heard something totally different instead. The Dr. turned to us and said “I think O has Down Syndrome” and in that second, our perfect little world fell apart. The thought of our child having anything wrong with her had never crossed our minds. We know nothing about Down Syndrome and the worst case scenarios are going through our minds. Will our child ever walk? Talk? Live independently? We aren’t the kind of people that can raise a child with special needs. How could this happen to us, to our child? The genetic tests gave us one in 5,200 odds against this! Why us? What did we do to deserve this? How could God let this happen? Is there a God? I don’t see how there could be.
Over the next few days and weeks we began to truly doubt the existence of God. How could there be a God that would allow this kind of thing to happen to a child? Something that would never allow her to live a normal life. How could a God exist that would bring something into our lives that would make us not able to love our own child? That is what we struggled with the most, it felt like someone had come in and taken our child and replaced it with an imposter. This is not the child we had planned and so far our lives have gone according to plan. We didn't want her, we wanted to give her back, put her up for adoption, or just leave her at the hospital. We had always said that we would never be able to be good parents to a child with special needs and in the severe depression that followed the news, we were sure she would be better off elsewhere. Our family and friends were a great support system in those dark days and still are. Every time I looked into that sweet face, all I could see was the Down Syndrome. One microscopic thing that changed who I was and made this child of mine seem like a total stranger to me. I found it extremely hard to bond with her or to even care about her. I would never neglect a child, but the emotion wasn't there like it was for E and I felt so guilty for that. So day after day I would go through the motions of taking care of this child and wondering if and when I would be able to see her and love her. There would be momentary glimpses of what that felt like but they never lasted long. Every time I would look at her or watch her do something cute and adorable, all I could think was what it meant in the grand scheme of her DS plagued life.
And then it came, the day where I could finally look at my beautiful little girl and actually enjoy the adorable faces she would make without any DS thoughts. And now I know that her life is not plagued by DS, it is just something that is part of who she is. And I am finally able to love her for who she is and forget about that little extra something she has. It is and always will be in the back of my mind because it will always drive what we do with her throughout her life, but it will never again be the first and only thing I see. I have the most beautiful, amazing little baby, and I am so glad that I can finally see that. I still have my bad days, but I think that can be expected with any child. I now have a totally different definition of “Normal” in my heart and I know that O will have a normal life. She will have successes and failures just like any child. And her successes will be so much more rewarding because we will know all that she has had to overcome to achieve them. And she is surprising everyone on a daily basis with all of the amazing things she is doing. Her therapist cant get over how fabulous she is doing, she is right on target with her milestones with where a typical child should be. She truly is an amazing little girl.
My mom always said something to me that didn’t really hit home until recently. “If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it” and he certainly did. After the dark days passed I began to see the reason God gave us this child. In her short 4 months of life, she has taught everyone that knows her or us very important lessons. I had always told M that if I only teach my children one thing I want it to be acceptance of people for who they are. To never judge someone by their appearance or beliefs and most of all to never make fun of someone that they see as different from them. In her short life, O has already taught so many people that lesson and will continue to every day of her life. She has also taught me the true meaning of unconditional love and allowed me to find the strength I have within myself that I never thought existed. This has allowed me to become closer to everyone in my life and see people for who they truly are by their reaction to our news. I have a new appreciation and love for our family and friends who stood by us and supported us in those dark days and even today. She has allowed me to fall in love with M all over again for what an amazing husband, father and man he is. I am so lucky to have such an amazing man standing by my side no matter what happens in our lives. I thought my life was perfect before but I never realized all that it was missing. And by O having one extra little chromosome, our lives have taken a different path than we expected. And yet another favorite saying of my mom’s fits here too “different isn’t wrong or bad, it is just different.” I am truly blessed to have the life that I have and I owe it to God for choosing it for me because I never would have picked it on my own, and look at all I would be missing.
All I ask from all of you is that the next time you see someone with any kind of disability, please look at them for their abilities not their disabilities. You will be very surprised at what you see, they are more like you and I than you would have guessed. And trust in God that he knows what he is doing, even if you think He is out of His mind at the time.
I also want to thank everyone who stood by us and helped us through this horrible period of our lives, we never could have made it through without your neverending love and support.
Finally, I would like to end with the Serenity Prayer because it has gotten me through so many tough times, especially this most recent struggle…”God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” Amen.
It is March 22nd and we have just found out that we are having our second baby girl. We are so excited and can’t wait to meet her. We have had the genetic testing and now the detailed ultrasound which have both told us that our baby girl is perfect in every way. Now all there is to do is start shopping and pick out a name. In the months that followed we found our perfect home and moved in. Our jobs were going well, our oldest daughter was a little angel, and we had the home we always wanted. In short, our life was perfect. M and I were feeling like we were on top of the world and couldn’t wait for our new bundle of joy to arrive. Really, how blessed could 2 people be?
It is now July 26th ~ I have been wanting this baby to arrive ASAP even though she isn’t due until August 8th. Around 430 the contractions had gotten pretty strong and steady and by 630 we were at the hospital. They put us into a room immediately and started setting up for her birth. Before we knew it, it was time to push. 9 pushes and she was out, she was almost in as much of a hurry to be born as I was to have her. She was born at 9:32 pm and was 6 lbs, 5 ½ ounces and 20 ½ inches long. It took us over a half an hour to agree to her name…O Lynn it is. Lynn after my mom Linda and her Auntie Nikki who’s middle name is also Lynn. After a rough night sharing a room with another mom, since the hospital was so full, we were anxious for E to meet her little sister so my parents brought her in. She wasn’t too sure about what was going on but made sure she checked out O really well before she was off running the halls again. While my parents were still there, our pediatrician came in to check out O. M and I sat there beaming at what an adorable baby girl we had. As we were waiting to hear the “she is perfect” report, we heard something totally different instead. The Dr. turned to us and said “I think O has Down Syndrome” and in that second, our perfect little world fell apart. The thought of our child having anything wrong with her had never crossed our minds. We know nothing about Down Syndrome and the worst case scenarios are going through our minds. Will our child ever walk? Talk? Live independently? We aren’t the kind of people that can raise a child with special needs. How could this happen to us, to our child? The genetic tests gave us one in 5,200 odds against this! Why us? What did we do to deserve this? How could God let this happen? Is there a God? I don’t see how there could be.
Over the next few days and weeks we began to truly doubt the existence of God. How could there be a God that would allow this kind of thing to happen to a child? Something that would never allow her to live a normal life. How could a God exist that would bring something into our lives that would make us not able to love our own child? That is what we struggled with the most, it felt like someone had come in and taken our child and replaced it with an imposter. This is not the child we had planned and so far our lives have gone according to plan. We didn't want her, we wanted to give her back, put her up for adoption, or just leave her at the hospital. We had always said that we would never be able to be good parents to a child with special needs and in the severe depression that followed the news, we were sure she would be better off elsewhere. Our family and friends were a great support system in those dark days and still are. Every time I looked into that sweet face, all I could see was the Down Syndrome. One microscopic thing that changed who I was and made this child of mine seem like a total stranger to me. I found it extremely hard to bond with her or to even care about her. I would never neglect a child, but the emotion wasn't there like it was for E and I felt so guilty for that. So day after day I would go through the motions of taking care of this child and wondering if and when I would be able to see her and love her. There would be momentary glimpses of what that felt like but they never lasted long. Every time I would look at her or watch her do something cute and adorable, all I could think was what it meant in the grand scheme of her DS plagued life.
And then it came, the day where I could finally look at my beautiful little girl and actually enjoy the adorable faces she would make without any DS thoughts. And now I know that her life is not plagued by DS, it is just something that is part of who she is. And I am finally able to love her for who she is and forget about that little extra something she has. It is and always will be in the back of my mind because it will always drive what we do with her throughout her life, but it will never again be the first and only thing I see. I have the most beautiful, amazing little baby, and I am so glad that I can finally see that. I still have my bad days, but I think that can be expected with any child. I now have a totally different definition of “Normal” in my heart and I know that O will have a normal life. She will have successes and failures just like any child. And her successes will be so much more rewarding because we will know all that she has had to overcome to achieve them. And she is surprising everyone on a daily basis with all of the amazing things she is doing. Her therapist cant get over how fabulous she is doing, she is right on target with her milestones with where a typical child should be. She truly is an amazing little girl.
My mom always said something to me that didn’t really hit home until recently. “If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it” and he certainly did. After the dark days passed I began to see the reason God gave us this child. In her short 4 months of life, she has taught everyone that knows her or us very important lessons. I had always told M that if I only teach my children one thing I want it to be acceptance of people for who they are. To never judge someone by their appearance or beliefs and most of all to never make fun of someone that they see as different from them. In her short life, O has already taught so many people that lesson and will continue to every day of her life. She has also taught me the true meaning of unconditional love and allowed me to find the strength I have within myself that I never thought existed. This has allowed me to become closer to everyone in my life and see people for who they truly are by their reaction to our news. I have a new appreciation and love for our family and friends who stood by us and supported us in those dark days and even today. She has allowed me to fall in love with M all over again for what an amazing husband, father and man he is. I am so lucky to have such an amazing man standing by my side no matter what happens in our lives. I thought my life was perfect before but I never realized all that it was missing. And by O having one extra little chromosome, our lives have taken a different path than we expected. And yet another favorite saying of my mom’s fits here too “different isn’t wrong or bad, it is just different.” I am truly blessed to have the life that I have and I owe it to God for choosing it for me because I never would have picked it on my own, and look at all I would be missing.
All I ask from all of you is that the next time you see someone with any kind of disability, please look at them for their abilities not their disabilities. You will be very surprised at what you see, they are more like you and I than you would have guessed. And trust in God that he knows what he is doing, even if you think He is out of His mind at the time.
I also want to thank everyone who stood by us and helped us through this horrible period of our lives, we never could have made it through without your neverending love and support.
Finally, I would like to end with the Serenity Prayer because it has gotten me through so many tough times, especially this most recent struggle…”God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” Amen.
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Meeting with the School District SE Dept
Even though O is only 3 months old, we wanted to meet with the SD to find out what their mentality is about SE. Because E is 2 and getting closer and closer to school age, we wanted to know sooner than later so we dont have to switch her school after she starts. they have the exact mindset we are looking for, making sure the child is treated like an individual and making her schooling choices based upon what is best for her, not someone with her condition. we also found out that no matter what school district we live in, she may end up at any other school district based upon what classes she might need to attend. If she needs a life skills class and that is housed within PSD, then she will go there for that. If she needs a learning support class and that is within EPSD, she will go there for that. It all depends on what she needs and where that class is offered. So no matter what SD we live in, she could end up anywhere. It does sound like our SD has the widest range of courses anyway. The majority of the courses are supported by the intermediate unit, but each SD may also have classes that they run too. At least with my sister's kids in EPSD and E in SSD (ours), O has a better chance of having someone around looking out for her.
All in all though, we feel MUCH better about our SD situation!!! Phew!!! That is a huge weight off our shoulders considering we JUST moved into this house and SD in May!
All in all though, we feel MUCH better about our SD situation!!! Phew!!! That is a huge weight off our shoulders considering we JUST moved into this house and SD in May!
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Daddy's 21 things
Funny how we hardly duplicated anything!!! But, you do need to get the tissues...
1. O’s middle name “Lynn” is shared with her Aunt N and Nana
2. O rolled over from her belly to her back at 5 weeks – on purpose
3. O legs are very strong and active – just ask her mom how much she kicked her while in the womb
4. O has deep blue eyes just like her daddy
5. O has taught a 12 year old boy that it is not nice to make fun of others because their different. This same little boy went to school and told his friends the same thing
6. O has brought her daddy closer to his father
7. O’s OT calls her “Fabulous”
8. O is the rockstar of day-care. When she enters, all the kids get up from what they are doing, come over to her and say hello. She has stolen the spotlight from her older sister
9. She is stubborn and determined to do things her way and shows us daily
10. Loves her Baby Einstein musical, flashing star
11. Looks cute in purple, light green and peach
12. Has gas that could clear a room or make your eyes water
13. on that note, burps like a drunken sailor
14. Has taught her mommy and daddy that life goes on and our love will get us through anything 15. O’s smile can make any bad day, great
16. O can hold her head up unassisted on tummy time and can almost fully support her weight with her arms fully extended
17. O loves being held and snuggling when she is tired
18. O took her first long road trip at 8 weeks to Ohio (7 hours) for her cousins second birthday party
19. Has slept through the night since she was 1 week old
20. O raised the most money for her local Buddy Walk
21. Last but not least, taught her daddy to love unconditionally
God, I love this man!!!!
1. O’s middle name “Lynn” is shared with her Aunt N and Nana
2. O rolled over from her belly to her back at 5 weeks – on purpose
3. O legs are very strong and active – just ask her mom how much she kicked her while in the womb
4. O has deep blue eyes just like her daddy
5. O has taught a 12 year old boy that it is not nice to make fun of others because their different. This same little boy went to school and told his friends the same thing
6. O has brought her daddy closer to his father
7. O’s OT calls her “Fabulous”
8. O is the rockstar of day-care. When she enters, all the kids get up from what they are doing, come over to her and say hello. She has stolen the spotlight from her older sister
9. She is stubborn and determined to do things her way and shows us daily
10. Loves her Baby Einstein musical, flashing star
11. Looks cute in purple, light green and peach
12. Has gas that could clear a room or make your eyes water
13. on that note, burps like a drunken sailor
14. Has taught her mommy and daddy that life goes on and our love will get us through anything 15. O’s smile can make any bad day, great
16. O can hold her head up unassisted on tummy time and can almost fully support her weight with her arms fully extended
17. O loves being held and snuggling when she is tired
18. O took her first long road trip at 8 weeks to Ohio (7 hours) for her cousins second birthday party
19. Has slept through the night since she was 1 week old
20. O raised the most money for her local Buddy Walk
21. Last but not least, taught her daddy to love unconditionally
God, I love this man!!!!
21 about my 21
Here is a challenge I received on a DS chat room that I thought was blog-worthy. Here are 21 things about O, my angel with an extra 21.
1~Smiles with her eyes
2~Loves laying on her changing table
3~Holds onto my shirt or necklace when nursing
4~Mesmerized by everything big sis does
5~Loves to talk already
6~Eats her vitamins like a champ
7~Sleeps all night for her tired mommy
8~Nosy, always alert and checking things out (esp. big sis)
9~Looks like a little angel when sleeping
10~"Sleep walks"-never even close to where we put her in the crib when we get her out
11~Loves mommy's singing for some strange reason
12~Goes nuts (smiling, waving arms & legs) when daddy talks to her
13~Cant keep her nuk in even though she wants it badly
14~Belches and toots like a man
15~Rolling from belly to back since 5 weeks old
16~Makes the most ADORABLE faces
17~Hates tummy time, but learning to tolerate it
18~Impressing OT every visit, she wants to tape her because no one believes how well she is doing
19~Sweetest, most angelic tempered baby
20~Has the most adorable dimples when she smiles
21~Already sucking thumb and exploring things with her mouth
Friday, October 26, 2007
First real Trick Or Treat
We took E last year but she was only 9 months so she didnt have a clue what was going on. On top of that it was rainy and freezing so we only made it to a few houses. Last night we took the girls trick or treating with my sister & her 2 boys and a bunch of friends and kids. All in all we had 9 kids and 8 adults so pretty good ratio of adults to kids, esp since one of the kids is only 3 months old and rode in the stroller the whole time.
At first E was afraid of everything and wouldnt let daddy put her down. About half way through she caught onto the concept and decided she wanted to run from house to house with the other kids and was pushing her way to the front of the pack when it came time to get candy. Her "trick or treat" got better and better all night. By the end it was pretty much "tricky treat" but adorable anyway. It was such a fun night and I am so excited that we get to do it again tonight!!!
As always, O was the perfect baby for us and seemed to enjoy herself.
E was a lady bug because that is her nickname and O was a butterfly because that is her nickname. They made the cutest bugs I have ever seen! This is one proud mommy! I don't know how we will top this cuteness next year!
At first E was afraid of everything and wouldnt let daddy put her down. About half way through she caught onto the concept and decided she wanted to run from house to house with the other kids and was pushing her way to the front of the pack when it came time to get candy. Her "trick or treat" got better and better all night. By the end it was pretty much "tricky treat" but adorable anyway. It was such a fun night and I am so excited that we get to do it again tonight!!!
As always, O was the perfect baby for us and seemed to enjoy herself.
E was a lady bug because that is her nickname and O was a butterfly because that is her nickname. They made the cutest bugs I have ever seen! This is one proud mommy! I don't know how we will top this cuteness next year!
Thursday's post that I forgot to copy and upload!
The most delicious way to increase your milk for those nursing moms!!!!
Housepoet's Famous Lactation Boosting Oatmeal, Chocolate Chip & Flaxseed cookies (tm) Ingredients :
* 1 cup butter or marg
* 1 cup sugar
* 1 cup brown sugar
* 4 tablespoons water
* 2 tablespoons flaxseed meal*
* 2 large eggs
* 1 teaspoon vanilla
* 2 cups flour
* 1 teaspoon baking soda
* 1 teaspoon salt
* 3 cups oats, thick cut if you can get them
* 1 cup or more chocolate chips
* 2-4 tablespoons of brewers yeast* (be generous)
Directions:
Preheat oven at 375 degrees F. Mix together 2 tablespoons of flaxseed meal and water, set aside for 3-5 minutes. Cream (beat well) margarine and sugar. Add eggs one at a time, mix well. Stir flaxseed mixture and add with vanilla to the margarine mix. Beat until blended. Sift together dry ingredients, except oats and chips. Add to margarine mixture. Stir in oats then chips. Scoop or drop onto baking sheet, preferably lined with parchment or silpat. The dough is a little crumbly, so it helps to use a scoop.
Bake 8-12 minutes, depending on size of cookies.
Serves: 6 dozen cookies
Preparation time: 15 minutes
*can be found at any local health food store.
*NOTE* IT MUST BE BREWERS YEAST, NO SUBSTITUTIONS.
Housepoet's Famous Lactation Boosting Oatmeal, Chocolate Chip & Flaxseed cookies (tm) Ingredients :
* 1 cup butter or marg
* 1 cup sugar
* 1 cup brown sugar
* 4 tablespoons water
* 2 tablespoons flaxseed meal*
* 2 large eggs
* 1 teaspoon vanilla
* 2 cups flour
* 1 teaspoon baking soda
* 1 teaspoon salt
* 3 cups oats, thick cut if you can get them
* 1 cup or more chocolate chips
* 2-4 tablespoons of brewers yeast* (be generous)
Directions:
Preheat oven at 375 degrees F. Mix together 2 tablespoons of flaxseed meal and water, set aside for 3-5 minutes. Cream (beat well) margarine and sugar. Add eggs one at a time, mix well. Stir flaxseed mixture and add with vanilla to the margarine mix. Beat until blended. Sift together dry ingredients, except oats and chips. Add to margarine mixture. Stir in oats then chips. Scoop or drop onto baking sheet, preferably lined with parchment or silpat. The dough is a little crumbly, so it helps to use a scoop.
Bake 8-12 minutes, depending on size of cookies.
Serves: 6 dozen cookies
Preparation time: 15 minutes
*can be found at any local health food store.
*NOTE* IT MUST BE BREWERS YEAST, NO SUBSTITUTIONS.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
O Update...
It has been a while so I thought I would post an update on O. I started back to work on Friday and she has been doing fantastic at daycare. She is such an easy baby for them just like she is for us. She truly is a little angel!!
At her therapy appointment on Friday the OT asked if she could video tape her during one of her appointments. She has been telling her colleagues how well O is doing but no one believes that she is doing all that she is doing. She is cooing and talking up a storm already. When she is on tummy time she is pushing up and locking her elbows. She has been using her Bumbo seat for the past few weeks and sits up in it so nicely. She is making all sorts of faces and moving her mouth in lots of different ways which the OT says is going to be great for her speech development. We use the nuk massager and she curls her tongue around it. She has also been nursing off the shield for over a month now. Today's therapy appointment went pretty well. O was hungry so the OT didnt get as much out of the appointment as she normally does. She did do well bringing her hands midline to grasp her rattle and bring it to her mouth. That is a huge step for her. It truly is amazing how well she is doing and we are such proud parents right now. Just thinking about what a superstar she is makes me cry.
We got approved for the medical assistance through the government and got her card in the mail on Friday. Her Dr. office is in the process of working with them to try to get the RSV shots covered. Keep your fingers crossed that they approve it! I am so scared for her if she doesn't get it. I guess that is about it for now! We are so happy with how well everything is going with her and pray that it continues to go really well.
At her therapy appointment on Friday the OT asked if she could video tape her during one of her appointments. She has been telling her colleagues how well O is doing but no one believes that she is doing all that she is doing. She is cooing and talking up a storm already. When she is on tummy time she is pushing up and locking her elbows. She has been using her Bumbo seat for the past few weeks and sits up in it so nicely. She is making all sorts of faces and moving her mouth in lots of different ways which the OT says is going to be great for her speech development. We use the nuk massager and she curls her tongue around it. She has also been nursing off the shield for over a month now. Today's therapy appointment went pretty well. O was hungry so the OT didnt get as much out of the appointment as she normally does. She did do well bringing her hands midline to grasp her rattle and bring it to her mouth. That is a huge step for her. It truly is amazing how well she is doing and we are such proud parents right now. Just thinking about what a superstar she is makes me cry.
We got approved for the medical assistance through the government and got her card in the mail on Friday. Her Dr. office is in the process of working with them to try to get the RSV shots covered. Keep your fingers crossed that they approve it! I am so scared for her if she doesn't get it. I guess that is about it for now! We are so happy with how well everything is going with her and pray that it continues to go really well.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Horrible Morning!!!
I dont know if this morning could have gone any worse. The girls were fantastic and I got out of the house on time. But, when I got in the car I realized that I didnt have the car keys and thought the house was locked and no way for me to get in and get my keys. After searching the garage for the spare key (to no avail) I realized that I never locked the door because I thought my keys were in the car. So I went in and disarmed the alarm and grabbed my keys. Then it dawned on me that I forgot E's tylenol so I spent the next 5 minutes looking for it. Finally got into the car and out of the driveway only 5 min later than planned. There was still hope of me getting to work on time if I made a speedy drop off. I am cruising along until half way between where I got on and where I have to get off the highway, this is where traffic came to a dead stop. It is never that backed up that time of day so I was furious to be stuck in it. It took 25 min to get the girls to daycare instead of the normal 10. Left daycare in a rush to realize that the gas light was on and I wouldnt make it to work without stopping. Hit traffic trying to get to the gas station so that takes FOREVER. Finally get on the road and think there is some hope of me not being insanely late to work. I am just about there when I get stuck behind a stopped school bus where one of the ladys decided she wanted to chat with the bus driver for 5 min after the kids were on the bus. I was livid at this point. I finally got into work 20 minutes late, 45 min after leaving the house in the morning. To add insult to injury, none of my pants that i JUST bought fit (too big so at least that is good) and I forgot that I dont have a case of water in M's car that I am driving while he is away so I will need to buy water all day today. I drank 5 bottles yesterday so at $0.75 a pop it is going to be an expensive day!!! And now I have a meeting that I hate that I have to go to. Just shoot me now!!!!
Oh yeah, and E was up 4 times last night! I am going to need an IV of caffiene to get through today!
Oh yeah, and E was up 4 times last night! I am going to need an IV of caffiene to get through today!
Monday, October 22, 2007
Surviving
Today is my second day back to work and I am surviving. For some reason today is much worse than Friday. Must be that M is out of town so I don't have him to go home to for hugs of support. Not to mention it now feels real being back to work. I have done well though, only one crying fit and only one phone call to the daycare. Good news is that my girls are doing great without me. It is amazing how much easier the second time around is (not that it is easy). I really trust the daycare she is in and I know that she will survive without me. Last time around I was sure that E would never be able to survive without me but you learn that they are just fine without you. You also learn that they wont break or hate you for not being the one with them all day. E looks forward to daycare and loves every minute of it. That is comforting too. Not to mention having O around all of the older kids will help her try to keep up and keep her on track with her milestones. I know it is for the best for all of us so I just have to grin and bear it!!!
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Catch Up Day
So, I have been horrible at blogging these last few days. Being back to work really threw me for a loop so here are the catch up posts!
FRIDAY, OCTOBER 19
Today was my first day back to work. I was there but I can't say I got much done since everytime I turned around someone was stopping by or stopping me on my way somewhere asking me how things were going. I must say that I work with a fantastic group of people. I don't think I could have had a better first day back to work. I got to wear jeans for a once and done casual friday, got free lunch, and my cleaning lady came while I was at work. Not to mention my boss was very understanding of the fact that I needed a day to get back into the swing of things. Come Monday though I am sure I will be thrown right into the fire which is fine by me. I was so busy in the morning that I didnt have much time to think about the girls and how much I missed them. After lunch things slowed down and I went through a serious bout of withdrawal!!! I called the daycare and both girls were sleeping so that made me happy. O had her therapy apt that morning and M reported in some fantastic news. O is doing so well that her therapist wants to video tape her to show people. Everytime she tells them how great she is doing they dont believe her! That was very encouraging for us to know that all of our pushing her to do therapy and all of O's hard work was really paying off!!!
SATURDAY, OCTOBER 20
Not much new going on today. Went to BRU to try to find a pacifier that O can keep in her mouth. We picked out 3 different kinds but none of them are working for her. So far the best one has been the Nuk brand but we will keep trying until we find one she can work with. We also got some toys that we can use so she can practice having her hands together in front of her. Also had to get super diaper rash cream for E because her yeast rash is still horrible even on the oral Diflucan. Poor kid now has a cold on top of the rash and getting 2 year molars so it hasn't been much fun lately!
We had our first fire in the fireplace and it was really nice, I love being toasty warm!!! E and O both loved staring at the flames. We almost went to the Halloween parade but E was tired really early and we thought it would be too cold and windy for O.
SUNDAY, OCTOBER 21
M leaves today at 2 for 3 days away. I am so not looking forward to it. Not only is it my first full week back to work, but now E is sick and miserable on top of it. I am not too worried about the morning because I can get up and get myself ready, wake O up and get her ready and fed, load the car, then get E up at the last minute and get her ready. As long as there aren't any catastrophies, I am sure I can still make it to work on time. As for the evenings, that is when I am most worried. O cluster feeds from the moment I get home with her (445ish) until she goes to bed at 10. How in the world am I going to get dinner made, E fed, E bathed & in bed with a 3 month old attached to my boob?!?!?! I have called in for reinforcements, that is how! We usually go to the ILs for dinner on Sunday nights so I am taking the girls there tonight. MIL will give her a bath and then I will just bring them home and put E right to bed. Monday night MIL is coming here to make us dinner and take care of E while I am feeding O. Then Tuesday night I am going to my sister's house so E can run around with the nephews until bedtime. TG I have family close by or I dont know what I would do!!! Wish me luck, it is going to be a crazy week!!! I am going to try to get my blogging in at work cause who knows if I will get a chance once I am home!!!
FRIDAY, OCTOBER 19
Today was my first day back to work. I was there but I can't say I got much done since everytime I turned around someone was stopping by or stopping me on my way somewhere asking me how things were going. I must say that I work with a fantastic group of people. I don't think I could have had a better first day back to work. I got to wear jeans for a once and done casual friday, got free lunch, and my cleaning lady came while I was at work. Not to mention my boss was very understanding of the fact that I needed a day to get back into the swing of things. Come Monday though I am sure I will be thrown right into the fire which is fine by me. I was so busy in the morning that I didnt have much time to think about the girls and how much I missed them. After lunch things slowed down and I went through a serious bout of withdrawal!!! I called the daycare and both girls were sleeping so that made me happy. O had her therapy apt that morning and M reported in some fantastic news. O is doing so well that her therapist wants to video tape her to show people. Everytime she tells them how great she is doing they dont believe her! That was very encouraging for us to know that all of our pushing her to do therapy and all of O's hard work was really paying off!!!
SATURDAY, OCTOBER 20
Not much new going on today. Went to BRU to try to find a pacifier that O can keep in her mouth. We picked out 3 different kinds but none of them are working for her. So far the best one has been the Nuk brand but we will keep trying until we find one she can work with. We also got some toys that we can use so she can practice having her hands together in front of her. Also had to get super diaper rash cream for E because her yeast rash is still horrible even on the oral Diflucan. Poor kid now has a cold on top of the rash and getting 2 year molars so it hasn't been much fun lately!
We had our first fire in the fireplace and it was really nice, I love being toasty warm!!! E and O both loved staring at the flames. We almost went to the Halloween parade but E was tired really early and we thought it would be too cold and windy for O.
SUNDAY, OCTOBER 21
M leaves today at 2 for 3 days away. I am so not looking forward to it. Not only is it my first full week back to work, but now E is sick and miserable on top of it. I am not too worried about the morning because I can get up and get myself ready, wake O up and get her ready and fed, load the car, then get E up at the last minute and get her ready. As long as there aren't any catastrophies, I am sure I can still make it to work on time. As for the evenings, that is when I am most worried. O cluster feeds from the moment I get home with her (445ish) until she goes to bed at 10. How in the world am I going to get dinner made, E fed, E bathed & in bed with a 3 month old attached to my boob?!?!?! I have called in for reinforcements, that is how! We usually go to the ILs for dinner on Sunday nights so I am taking the girls there tonight. MIL will give her a bath and then I will just bring them home and put E right to bed. Monday night MIL is coming here to make us dinner and take care of E while I am feeding O. Then Tuesday night I am going to my sister's house so E can run around with the nephews until bedtime. TG I have family close by or I dont know what I would do!!! Wish me luck, it is going to be a crazy week!!! I am going to try to get my blogging in at work cause who knows if I will get a chance once I am home!!!
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Last day of freedom
is almost over. I go back to work tomorrow and will no longer be able to do what I want all day. I have to have my girls in daycare and be confined to my office all day. Guess that is why today is preparing me so well. I am stuck at home all day while the alarm company installs a security system at our house.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Flyin solo
Today was my first day alone in a very long time. Both girls went to daycare today and I spent the whole day shopping. So all in all it was a very depressing day even though it sounds like it would be fun. Had to buy huge lady pants and couldn't find any shoes I liked enough to even try on. And I was literally all over the place at every store I could think of. Add on top of that it being O's first day at daycare and I was a mess. I did better than when E was there for the first day but this time around I wasnt at work and I know and trust the people at their daycare. For E, I didnt know them at all, only what my sister told be because she took her kids there. I did stop in one time in the afternoon under the premise that I was going to show the ladies there how to do O's therapy. Turns out I showed up right at feeding time so I had to tell them what to do but wasnt able to show them anything. The therapist will be there on Friday to show them everything. I am really bummed that I can't be there for it but I have to go to work. One of the many things I will miss out on because of having to work. But, the bills have to get paid!!!
I must say that it was VERY weird to be out and about without at least one kid in tow. I can't remember the last time I did that. I felt kind of lost without someone to talk to and a stroller to throw all my crap on! LOL
I must say that it was VERY weird to be out and about without at least one kid in tow. I can't remember the last time I did that. I felt kind of lost without someone to talk to and a stroller to throw all my crap on! LOL
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
I HATE my insurance company
They refused to pay for my IUD and I refused to pay the $800+ it would have cost me to get it. I was so excited about the idea that I wouldnt have to remember to take a pill every night due to mommy brain (see previous post) and that it would be more effective than a vasectomy or tubal! Not having to worry about when to switch to the regular pill off the mini pill or any of that was such a relief. Well, my insurance company had other plans. Guess they would rather pay for a monthly pill, a pregnancy, and another human being than fork up the money to pay for the IUD. I am so not ready to even think about having another kid yet because of the whole DS shocker. But I am also not ruling it out. The IUD would have been perfect especially because it would have helped keep me from fearing X with my husband for fear of getting pregnant before I am mentally ready. Not to mention I have been pregnant and/or nursing for over 2 1/2 years now!
But, I can handle their rejection of that pretty well. What I can't handle is their rejection of O getting the RSV shots. If she gets RSV it is even more of a risk of it being fatal for her considering her heart issues. But, the insurance company is giving us some BS about how it is considered experimental or some shit like that and that is why they wont cover it. M and I talked about getting it anyway but it is $1000 per shot and there are 6 shots. We dont have that kind of money to spend on this even though we want her to have it. We are praying that the medical assistance through the government that we are getting for her will cover it. But, who knows when they will get their act together and finalize that. We know she qualifies for it because of the DS but for some reason they are putting us through the ringer making us provide all sorts of paperwork before they can approve it. Gotta love the government. I just dont understand why our regular insurance wont cover it. Would they rather cover a hospital stay of our child and us suing them for not covering it if something worse would happen to her (not that I think we would have a leg to stand on though)? With her being in daycare it scares the crap out of me but what other option do we have?
I am just furious with the insurance company right now.
But, I can handle their rejection of that pretty well. What I can't handle is their rejection of O getting the RSV shots. If she gets RSV it is even more of a risk of it being fatal for her considering her heart issues. But, the insurance company is giving us some BS about how it is considered experimental or some shit like that and that is why they wont cover it. M and I talked about getting it anyway but it is $1000 per shot and there are 6 shots. We dont have that kind of money to spend on this even though we want her to have it. We are praying that the medical assistance through the government that we are getting for her will cover it. But, who knows when they will get their act together and finalize that. We know she qualifies for it because of the DS but for some reason they are putting us through the ringer making us provide all sorts of paperwork before they can approve it. Gotta love the government. I just dont understand why our regular insurance wont cover it. Would they rather cover a hospital stay of our child and us suing them for not covering it if something worse would happen to her (not that I think we would have a leg to stand on though)? With her being in daycare it scares the crap out of me but what other option do we have?
I am just furious with the insurance company right now.
Mommy Brain!!
If someone would have asked me last night if I had blogged that day I would have said that I most certainly did! Yeah, so not true. It is insane how my days run together and I can't remember a single thing!! How in the world am I going to function when I go back to work on Friday. My boss already thinks I am an idiot from having pregnancy fog the entire time I have worked for him, now I have mommy brain! Maybe it would be better if I could actually get a full night of sleep. Last night I can't blame it on the girls at all, it was all me. Woke up at 230 to go to the bathroom and couldnt get to sleep until 4ish. Gotta love that!!!
I have no idea how I am going to function by myself next week. M is leaving Sunday at 2 to go to a conference and wont be back until Wed night. How I am going to get both girls ready and out the door in the morning is beyond me. Not to mention having to get E dinner, a bath, and to bed while O is cluster feeding in the evenings. Add to that me being an emotional wreck because it is my first week back to work. Gotta love M's timing on this one. Oh yeah, and all of this while I am having Mommy brain and can't remember a darn thing! I just pray blogger isnt blocked from my work's website so I can still rant and rave and complain while I am at work! =)
I have no idea how I am going to function by myself next week. M is leaving Sunday at 2 to go to a conference and wont be back until Wed night. How I am going to get both girls ready and out the door in the morning is beyond me. Not to mention having to get E dinner, a bath, and to bed while O is cluster feeding in the evenings. Add to that me being an emotional wreck because it is my first week back to work. Gotta love M's timing on this one. Oh yeah, and all of this while I am having Mommy brain and can't remember a darn thing! I just pray blogger isnt blocked from my work's website so I can still rant and rave and complain while I am at work! =)
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Where 'O Where...
have my sweet little girls gone, where 'o where could they be? The last few days both my sweet little girls have turned into PMSing crank pots!!! O is insanely clingy and eating nonstop and when she isnt being held or fed, she is fussing which makes me utterly insane. E hasn't been sleeping well so she is a whiney mess also. I was fending for myself with both girls almost the entire weekend and I am exhausted. I just dont get how they are both suddenly ganging up on me. They must be plotting some sort of revenge when I am not looking!
Even though M has abandoned me with the girls for most of the weekend, when he was around he was a great help. He was golfing Saturday so I had the girls from 11 until 7 and then today he went to some cigar festival with his dad and was gone from 12 until 3. Normally this wouldnt be a big deal since E would usually nap at this time, but she decided to nap from 9 until 12 today since she was up a lot last night and up at 530 am for the day! O of course wouldnt sleep unless I was holding her and even then put up a good fight. I just am praying for an entire night of sleep tonight or I just may snap tomorrow!!
I just want my sweet little girls back please, so whomever took them, can you please switch them back? I am begging!!!
Even though M has abandoned me with the girls for most of the weekend, when he was around he was a great help. He was golfing Saturday so I had the girls from 11 until 7 and then today he went to some cigar festival with his dad and was gone from 12 until 3. Normally this wouldnt be a big deal since E would usually nap at this time, but she decided to nap from 9 until 12 today since she was up a lot last night and up at 530 am for the day! O of course wouldnt sleep unless I was holding her and even then put up a good fight. I just am praying for an entire night of sleep tonight or I just may snap tomorrow!!
I just want my sweet little girls back please, so whomever took them, can you please switch them back? I am begging!!!
Burnt out!!!
What a weekend, if you can call it that. Saturday was an insane but fun blur. My BF, her hubby and 2 boys came down to visit. The big boys went golfing and W and I took the 4 kids to meet our moms and our friend from high school, her daughter, and her mom. I was so excited to hang out with them but had no idea the chaos the day would be. E, O, and I didnt sleep much the night before and E didnt nap for crap that day. So she and I were both super cranky which is not a good combination. Why on Earth we thought it would be a good idea to take 5 kids under the age of 2 shopping is beyond me! But who would have thought that 5 kids could seriously outnumber 7 grown adults (4 of which were grandparents so this is their second time around the block). At least we got some good bargains even if we only made it to 4 stores! LOL
It was wonderful to see my friends and their moms again, we definitely have to do that more often girls! Just maybe somewhere that the older kids are better entertained! ;) O was an absolute doll the whole time though, she is SUCH an easy baby. Actually, the 3 littlest ones did great, it was the oldest 2 that caused the most hair pulling. Come to think of it, it was E that caused the most stress but mostly because I was pooped to begin with. I dont know how I will be able to handle weekends like this when I go back to work!!!
It was wonderful to see my friends and their moms again, we definitely have to do that more often girls! Just maybe somewhere that the older kids are better entertained! ;) O was an absolute doll the whole time though, she is SUCH an easy baby. Actually, the 3 littlest ones did great, it was the oldest 2 that caused the most hair pulling. Come to think of it, it was E that caused the most stress but mostly because I was pooped to begin with. I dont know how I will be able to handle weekends like this when I go back to work!!!
Friday, October 12, 2007
Spinach Dip
Having a hard time thinking of something to write so here is my "famous" spinach dip. It is super easy and something I take to almost every party.
1/2 cup Miracle Whip salad dressing
16 ounces sour cream
1 pack Knorr's veggie soup mix
1 pack frozen chopped spinach (10 oz)
Mix miracle whip, sour cream, and veggie soup mix together until powder is disolved. Thaw spinach, rinse, and drain. Mix into sour cream mixture.
To go with the dip you can use any kind of bread or crackers. Pumpernickle bread goes great with it, or you can create your own bread bowl to put the dip into and use the part you cut out for people to eat the dip on.
Enjoy!!!
1/2 cup Miracle Whip salad dressing
16 ounces sour cream
1 pack Knorr's veggie soup mix
1 pack frozen chopped spinach (10 oz)
Mix miracle whip, sour cream, and veggie soup mix together until powder is disolved. Thaw spinach, rinse, and drain. Mix into sour cream mixture.
To go with the dip you can use any kind of bread or crackers. Pumpernickle bread goes great with it, or you can create your own bread bowl to put the dip into and use the part you cut out for people to eat the dip on.
Enjoy!!!
Thursday, October 11, 2007
"My Super Power"
My latest writing challenge from momsmoo...if you could pick one superpower what would it be.
This is a really tough one because there are a bunch of things I would love to be able to do.
Teleport (like momsmoo) so I can always be there for my friends and family when they need me or when I am really missing them. We could also go on vacation whenever we wanted, which is despirately needed at this point.
Heal so I can always fix what is wrong with the people I love so they dont need to suffer for a single day. I would take away O's Down Syndrome so she would never have to know the cruelty the world can hold, I would take away L's APD so my BF can enjoy her children with out the constant worry about how he is doing, I would cure anything that is wrong with my family and friends so I never have to live a day without them because that is not the kind of world I want to live in.
Create anything I need out of thin air. So my family, friends and I never have to go without anything.
So, instead of chosing one superpower I am going to chose them all. I am going to chose the superpower that allows me to change my superpower whenever I want to. This is probably not allowed but I am chosing it anyway! =)
This is a really tough one because there are a bunch of things I would love to be able to do.
Teleport (like momsmoo) so I can always be there for my friends and family when they need me or when I am really missing them. We could also go on vacation whenever we wanted, which is despirately needed at this point.
Heal so I can always fix what is wrong with the people I love so they dont need to suffer for a single day. I would take away O's Down Syndrome so she would never have to know the cruelty the world can hold, I would take away L's APD so my BF can enjoy her children with out the constant worry about how he is doing, I would cure anything that is wrong with my family and friends so I never have to live a day without them because that is not the kind of world I want to live in.
Create anything I need out of thin air. So my family, friends and I never have to go without anything.
So, instead of chosing one superpower I am going to chose them all. I am going to chose the superpower that allows me to change my superpower whenever I want to. This is probably not allowed but I am chosing it anyway! =)
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
8
and counting. That is the number of days of freedom I have left. The number of days before I lose my mind because there arent enough hours in the day to do what I need/want. The number of days until I have to leave my precious daughters in someone else's care. The number of days until I head back to "the daily grind". If you haven't guessed yet, I have to go back to work in 8 days. The thought of being back in the real world is exciting, but scary and depressing all at the same time. I am SO not looking forward to it, especially because I can't wear a single pair of my regular (or fat) pants! The only pants that fit are my maternity pants and that in and of itself is utterly depressing. I am going shopping this weekend to get pants to wear and I will lose it if I have to buy pants any bigger than "that size". You know the size, the one you swore you would never get bigger than no matter what. The size you have never been in in your life, the size that makes you feel like the fattest person alive and can send you into that "OMG I am disgusting" spiral. Fingers crossed that I can avoid "that size", but it isnt looking very promising.
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Homesick
I spent the entire day with my family today and it makes me even more homesick. I love going to visit but it makes it so much harder to be away from them. We celebrated my grandfather's 84th birthday today and my other grandfather will turn 85 next month. My grandmother is 78 and they are all doing pretty well. But, every time I see them or talk to them I wonder if it is the last time. I hate thinking like that but they are all aging and I can't imagine life without any of them here. I lost my grandmother when I was 14 and I still haven't fully recovered, I have no idea how I am going to handle losing the grandparents that I grew up with. I also miss my mom so much, especially with everything we have been dealing with the last few months. It is so hard to leave them to come "home". Luckily it is only an hour and 45 minutes but that is just too far with 2 nutty kids in the car.
I am exhausted from the trip but just needed to vent and whine about how much I miss my family.
I am exhausted from the trip but just needed to vent and whine about how much I miss my family.
Monday, October 8, 2007
Junkie
Hello, my name is MamaC and I am officially a junkie. A TV junkie and a computer/internet junkie. I can't help myself. I LOVE TV and unfortunately it is rubbing off on E. I honestly could sit and watch TV all day long if I could. It is sick! I seriously need help. I will be back to work in less than two weeks so I wont have much time to watch TV so that could help. I did nothing much all day but email, surf the internet, and watch TV for most of the day today. Took a few breaks to eat and play with and do therapy with O, but that was it. I ran to the grocery store and picked up E from daycare but that was the extent of my accomplishments for the day. So sad!!! It was just too hot to do any gardening or much of anything today. LOL Gotta love how a junkie justifies their addictions! =)
Sunday, October 7, 2007
Sunday
Today flew by too! Spent the morning playing with the girls and E and I helped M wash the cars, E had a blast. After naptime we took the girls to the pumpkin patch to pick pumpkins. O slept the whole time and E ran around like a nut!! It was adorable. I wanted E to ride the ponies they had there but she wanted nothing to do with it. Went to the IL's for dinner and then came home to try to relax.
It just dawned on me that I never blogged about our trip to the zoo this past week! I took the girls to the zoo with my roommates from college, their friends and all of thier kids. It was a blast, E loved all of the animals and was facinated by them. It was the perfect temperature for the animals so they were all out and moving around so we got some great pics. O slept the first half of the day but just chilled out in the stroller the rest of the day. E did fantastic for only having an hour nap (instead of her normal 3) on the way to the zoo. I think we might be getting a family pass when O is big enough to be interested in the animals.
It just dawned on me that I never blogged about our trip to the zoo this past week! I took the girls to the zoo with my roommates from college, their friends and all of thier kids. It was a blast, E loved all of the animals and was facinated by them. It was the perfect temperature for the animals so they were all out and moving around so we got some great pics. O slept the first half of the day but just chilled out in the stroller the rest of the day. E did fantastic for only having an hour nap (instead of her normal 3) on the way to the zoo. I think we might be getting a family pass when O is big enough to be interested in the animals.
Saturday
What a crazy weekend! I can't believe it is Sunday night already. The day just flew by on Saturday and today wasnt much better. So now I have to play catch up.
Saturday I spent the day with the girls while M and his dad put in a water softner at our house. While E was napping, O and I ran a million errands and got home and settled just in time for E to wake up from her nap. Then M and I quickly got ready and went to a retirment party for my sister's father-in-law. Bailed there early to go to M's boss's boss's house for a party. Finally got home a little after 10 to a wide awake O. Luckily she ate and went right to sleep.
Both parties were nice and it was refreshing to get out of the house for a little while.
O is smiling so much lately, it just melts my heart! She has started "talking" to us with her adorable coos and ahhs.
Saturday I spent the day with the girls while M and his dad put in a water softner at our house. While E was napping, O and I ran a million errands and got home and settled just in time for E to wake up from her nap. Then M and I quickly got ready and went to a retirment party for my sister's father-in-law. Bailed there early to go to M's boss's boss's house for a party. Finally got home a little after 10 to a wide awake O. Luckily she ate and went right to sleep.
Both parties were nice and it was refreshing to get out of the house for a little while.
O is smiling so much lately, it just melts my heart! She has started "talking" to us with her adorable coos and ahhs.
Friday, October 5, 2007
Very disappointed
Ok, so I understand that October is also Breast Cancer awareness month and until 10 weeks ago it was my "cause", but now I am just annoyed. It is extremely frustrating that Down Syndrome awareness doesn't get the amount of publicity that BC does. The walks and everything are all over the news but there is barely anything about the DS walks or anything DS related. I have been a fan of the Today show until their severe lack of coverage on DS related topics. They had Chris Burke and the Scrubs Dr. on for 3 whole minutes to talk about the DS walk but 0 coverage on the actual walk. It is just very disturbing and dissapointing. What in the world is the NDSS doing, sitting on their butts? Someone needs to get their tush in gear and start pushing for awareness. This cant be DS awareness without any effort for awareness. I am just frustrated at the lack of coverage for DS. Maybe I am just not paying attention to the places I should be but shouldnt the awareness efforts be made where you dont have to dig and search for it?
Sorry, maybe I am just too new to all of this, but I just can't stand the lack of coverage for the DS community.
Sorry, maybe I am just too new to all of this, but I just can't stand the lack of coverage for the DS community.
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
All about DS
Here are some Down Syndrome Facts from NDSS...
- Down syndrome occurs when an individual has three, rather than two, copies of the 21st chromosome. This additional genetic material alters the course of development and causes the characteristics associated with Down syndrome.
- Down syndrome is the most commonly occurring chromosomal abnormality. One in every 733 babies is born with Down syndrome.
- There are more than 350,000 people living with Down syndrome in the United States.
- Down syndrome affects people of all ages, races and economic levels.
- The incidence of births of children with Down syndrome increases with the age of the mother. But due to higher fertility rates in younger women, 80 percent of children with Down syndrome are born to women under 35 years of age.
- People with Down syndrome have an increased risk for certain medical conditions such as congenital heart defects, respiratory and hearing problems, Alzheimer's disease, childhood leukemia, and thyroid conditions. Many of these conditions are now treatable, so most people with Down syndrome lead healthy lives.
- A few of the common physical traits of Down syndrome are low muscle tone, small stature, an upward slant to the eyes, and a single deep crease across the center of the palm. Every person with Down syndrome is a unique individual and may possess these characteristics to different degrees or not at all.
- Life expectancy for people with Down syndrome has increased dramatically in recent decades - from 25 in 1983 to 56 today.
- All people with Down syndrome experience cognitive delays, but the effect is usually mild to moderate and is not indicative of the many strengths and talents that each individual possesses.
- Quality educational programs, a stimulating home environment, good health care, and positive support from family, friends and the community enable people with Down syndrome to develop their full potential and lead fulfilling lives.
- People with Down syndrome attend school, find work, participate in decisions that affect them, and contribute to society.
- Researchers are making great strides in identifying the genes on Chromosome 21 that cause the characteristics of Down syndrome. Many feel strongly that it will be possible to improve, correct or prevent many of the problems associated with Down syndrome in the future.
Brag
So today I am in a bragging mood so here goes...
O had her 2 month check up yesterday and the Dr. said she looks great. She is 8 lbs. 9 oz. and 21 1/4 in. The Dr. was very impressed with her muscle tone and how alert she was. She had another therapy appointment with her OT this morning and Miss M was very impressed with her also. She is not only holding her head up but pushing up on her arms. We learned lots of new therapies to do with her now that her neck strength is there. The OT said she is right on with "typical" kids for her gross motor and only a tiny bit behind with her fine motor. That was exciting to hear!!! O is almost totally off the shield, she only needs it in the middle of the night when she is half asleep. She is still sleeping through the night (10-7) most nights and only getting up once on the others. That means she is barely using the shield.
E is continuing to impress me every day with what a great big sister she is. She is very loving toward her "baby sis" and even though she gets a little too rough at times she has good intentions most of the time. We had our first trip to the zoo today and she was fabulous all day even though she only had an hour nap (usually 3). She loved all of the animals and was repeating the names when I would tell her what they were. She played really well with all the other kids that were there too. She is also becoming a mommy's girl which I totally love! She is such a loveable cuddle bug, so it is probably good that she is our little lady bug!
M has been fabulous lately, helping me out around the house and with the girls. He has made such a huge effort the last few weeks because he knows I have been having a rough time with things. We are getting along so much better now that I dont feel like I am doing everything. So, when you read this honey, I love you so much and I am so glad to be your wife and to have you as the father of our two beautiful daughters!!!
O had her 2 month check up yesterday and the Dr. said she looks great. She is 8 lbs. 9 oz. and 21 1/4 in. The Dr. was very impressed with her muscle tone and how alert she was. She had another therapy appointment with her OT this morning and Miss M was very impressed with her also. She is not only holding her head up but pushing up on her arms. We learned lots of new therapies to do with her now that her neck strength is there. The OT said she is right on with "typical" kids for her gross motor and only a tiny bit behind with her fine motor. That was exciting to hear!!! O is almost totally off the shield, she only needs it in the middle of the night when she is half asleep. She is still sleeping through the night (10-7) most nights and only getting up once on the others. That means she is barely using the shield.
E is continuing to impress me every day with what a great big sister she is. She is very loving toward her "baby sis" and even though she gets a little too rough at times she has good intentions most of the time. We had our first trip to the zoo today and she was fabulous all day even though she only had an hour nap (usually 3). She loved all of the animals and was repeating the names when I would tell her what they were. She played really well with all the other kids that were there too. She is also becoming a mommy's girl which I totally love! She is such a loveable cuddle bug, so it is probably good that she is our little lady bug!
M has been fabulous lately, helping me out around the house and with the girls. He has made such a huge effort the last few weeks because he knows I have been having a rough time with things. We are getting along so much better now that I dont feel like I am doing everything. So, when you read this honey, I love you so much and I am so glad to be your wife and to have you as the father of our two beautiful daughters!!!
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
I can see her
The minutes turned into days and the days have turned into weeks and now into months since the day my sweet O came into this world. Every day was filled with more emotions and thoughts than I could ever explain. Every time I looked into that sweet face, all I could see was the Down Syndrome. One microscopic thing that changed who I was and made this child of mine seem like a total stranger to me. I found it extremely hard to bond with her or to even care about her. I would never neglect a child, but the emotion wasn't there like it was for my first child and I felt so guilty for that. So day after day I would go through the motions of taking care of this child and wondering if and when I would be able to see her. There would be momentary glimpses of what that felt like but they never lasted long. Every time I would look at her or watch her do something cute and adorable, all I could think was what it meant in the grand scheme of her DS plagued life.
And then it came, the day where I could finally look at my beautiful little girl and acutally enjoy the adorable faces she would make without any DS thoughts. And now I know that her life is not plagued by DS, it is just something that makes her who she is. And I am finally able to love her for who she is and forget about that little extra something she has. It is and always will be in the back of my mind because it will always drive what we do with her throughout her life, but it will never again be the first thing I see. I have the most beautiful, amazing little baby, and I am so glad that I can finally see that. I can finally just sit and enjoy watching her sleep without a trillion DS thoughts running through my mind. One of the things I enjoyed most about the newborn stage with E was just watching her sleep but I could never enjoy that with O until now. I am so happy to finally be at this place, but the guilt for not getting here sooner is still haunting me. So I must work on getting rid of the guilt I have for robbing her of her mommy for too many days. And I also have to work on the thought that life should be "fair" cause it sure isn't by any stretch of the means!!!
And then it came, the day where I could finally look at my beautiful little girl and acutally enjoy the adorable faces she would make without any DS thoughts. And now I know that her life is not plagued by DS, it is just something that makes her who she is. And I am finally able to love her for who she is and forget about that little extra something she has. It is and always will be in the back of my mind because it will always drive what we do with her throughout her life, but it will never again be the first thing I see. I have the most beautiful, amazing little baby, and I am so glad that I can finally see that. I can finally just sit and enjoy watching her sleep without a trillion DS thoughts running through my mind. One of the things I enjoyed most about the newborn stage with E was just watching her sleep but I could never enjoy that with O until now. I am so happy to finally be at this place, but the guilt for not getting here sooner is still haunting me. So I must work on getting rid of the guilt I have for robbing her of her mommy for too many days. And I also have to work on the thought that life should be "fair" cause it sure isn't by any stretch of the means!!!
A Day Behind!!
I just found out about the 31 for 21 today so I am going to play catch up. We were in the car coming home from Ohio all day yesterday. We made our annual trek out to Ohio to visit M's sister and for our nephew's 2nd birthday. I was so worried about this trip with 2 under 2 in a car for 7 hours.
We left at 630 Friday night and got there around 1 am. The girls did great! E fell asleep around 930 and slept until we were almost there. O slept the entire time, getting up once to eat. I pumped and fed her a bottle so we didnt have to stop. Only needed to make one gas/potty stop the whole way out. But then it all went to sh!t when we got there. M took E inside to put her to bed and instead of taking her right to bed, he let her see her grandma, great-grandma, and aunt who were all waiting up for us. Then she was wound until 3 am! Then O got up at 430 to eat. Needless to say mommy was wiped out on Saturday.
Saturday was the party which was nice but I was too pooped to be social. E and D (nephew) had a lot of fun playing together. E however is in this horrible hitting stage where she hits everyone and everything making mommy batty!!!
Sunday I went to Longaberger homestead and Dresden with SIL, MIL, GMIL, and O. It was a pretty nice day. I dont normally like them because they are very snotty and judgemental most of the time but it was a very nice day. N (SIL) is pregnant again so we had a nice time chatting about that kind of stuff.
We decided to come home Monday during the day which I was dreading. They did great again though. E napped for about an hour and a half so she was kind of cranky for part of the trip, but as long as she was watching DVDs she was quiet. Found out on the way home that one of the parts of my pump broke at some point during the trip so I only had one to pump with on the way home. We had to stop for lunch and to feed O so that took 45 min. Then M got pulled over but luckily got the non-points kind of ticket, but still cost us $107! We stopped again after that for potty and to switch drivers. I didnt think we would ever get home!! We finally got home at 515, after over 7 hours in the car.
And this entire time, poor E was having to sit still with a horrible yeast rash in her lady area. Poor kid!!!!!
We left at 630 Friday night and got there around 1 am. The girls did great! E fell asleep around 930 and slept until we were almost there. O slept the entire time, getting up once to eat. I pumped and fed her a bottle so we didnt have to stop. Only needed to make one gas/potty stop the whole way out. But then it all went to sh!t when we got there. M took E inside to put her to bed and instead of taking her right to bed, he let her see her grandma, great-grandma, and aunt who were all waiting up for us. Then she was wound until 3 am! Then O got up at 430 to eat. Needless to say mommy was wiped out on Saturday.
Saturday was the party which was nice but I was too pooped to be social. E and D (nephew) had a lot of fun playing together. E however is in this horrible hitting stage where she hits everyone and everything making mommy batty!!!
Sunday I went to Longaberger homestead and Dresden with SIL, MIL, GMIL, and O. It was a pretty nice day. I dont normally like them because they are very snotty and judgemental most of the time but it was a very nice day. N (SIL) is pregnant again so we had a nice time chatting about that kind of stuff.
We decided to come home Monday during the day which I was dreading. They did great again though. E napped for about an hour and a half so she was kind of cranky for part of the trip, but as long as she was watching DVDs she was quiet. Found out on the way home that one of the parts of my pump broke at some point during the trip so I only had one to pump with on the way home. We had to stop for lunch and to feed O so that took 45 min. Then M got pulled over but luckily got the non-points kind of ticket, but still cost us $107! We stopped again after that for potty and to switch drivers. I didnt think we would ever get home!! We finally got home at 515, after over 7 hours in the car.
And this entire time, poor E was having to sit still with a horrible yeast rash in her lady area. Poor kid!!!!!
Thursday, September 27, 2007
My Secret Wish
Ok, first I have to start off by telling everyone that I feel EXTREMELY guilty for having this wish but it comes from a good place, I promise!
My secret wish is...that a major celebrity will have a child with Down Syndrome.
Once you have stopped gasping at the horror of my statement let me explain. I keep seeing things all over the place about Jenny McCarthy and her son with Autism and I keep thinking
"OMG how great would it be for DS to get that kind of exposure and help with awareness?" I really am coming from a good place on this, I want as many people as possible to understand DS so it can help with the discrimination and ignorance surrounding this disorder. What better way to do that than to have a celebrity as an advocate? A non-famous person like you or I can only do so much.
This is also coming from the recent lack of coverage on a fantastic feat by someone with DS. Karen Gaffney swam across Lake Tahoe, a 12 mile swim, in 6 hours! That is amazing and I have yet to see any national news program cover it. That to me is WRONG!!! She deserves a friggin parade as far as I am concerned!
Ok, vent/confession over.
My secret wish is...that a major celebrity will have a child with Down Syndrome.
Once you have stopped gasping at the horror of my statement let me explain. I keep seeing things all over the place about Jenny McCarthy and her son with Autism and I keep thinking
"OMG how great would it be for DS to get that kind of exposure and help with awareness?" I really am coming from a good place on this, I want as many people as possible to understand DS so it can help with the discrimination and ignorance surrounding this disorder. What better way to do that than to have a celebrity as an advocate? A non-famous person like you or I can only do so much.
This is also coming from the recent lack of coverage on a fantastic feat by someone with DS. Karen Gaffney swam across Lake Tahoe, a 12 mile swim, in 6 hours! That is amazing and I have yet to see any national news program cover it. That to me is WRONG!!! She deserves a friggin parade as far as I am concerned!
Ok, vent/confession over.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Our first Buddy Walk
So, we had our first Buddy Walk for Down Syndrome awareness this weekend. I had a really hard day but I made it through. I was very nervous the day before and morning of because I was scared what I was going to see. I was afraid how real it was going to be and how I can't ingore it anymore. I was very happy that I was going to be surrounded by family to help me through the day, but it didnt turn out that way. My mom & dad, MIL & FIL, Grandma-in-law, Aunt-in-law, sister & nephews, and husband were all there with me, but I might as well been alone.
I expressed my fear to my husband the day before and the morning of but he was too busy going around talking to everyone else and never bothered to make sure I was doing ok. He has always been self absorbed so I dont know why I expected any different. The next worst thing was that my sister was over an hour late getting there. Granted, she by her shear dumb luck, managed to show up just in time to join us for the walk. She is always late but it really upset me this time around. This was something that was very important to me and I needed her there, but she too is very self absorbed and couldnt be bothered with thinking about being there for me. And of course my dad defended her as he always does which further ticked me off. I just feel that it is very disrespectful to be late for something that is very important to someone you love. Is that bad? Now my mom is one of the greatest women I know and I fully expected her to be there for me but she was too busy following my dad around to make sure she didnt get in trouble. My dad is like a 2 year old and cant sit still so he kept wandering off and he is very controlling so if my mom wasnt with him he would have thrown a hissy fit. My IL family was off doing their own thing also.
So, there I was, on one of the hardest days of my life, all alone yet again. Having to take care of myself and my 2 children while everyone else took care of themselves. Is it horrible of me to have wanted and/or expected people to be there for me? I even at one point said to my mom that I was having a tough day. I had to make an excuse to go to my car just so I could cry the whole way there and back. I just feel like I am all alone most of the time on this and it is getting really upsetting and frustrating. When am I ever going to have the emotional support I need from my husband and the people I love? I almost feel like they dont think I am allowed to have bad days. I guess I just have to get used to dealing with everything on my own.
I expressed my fear to my husband the day before and the morning of but he was too busy going around talking to everyone else and never bothered to make sure I was doing ok. He has always been self absorbed so I dont know why I expected any different. The next worst thing was that my sister was over an hour late getting there. Granted, she by her shear dumb luck, managed to show up just in time to join us for the walk. She is always late but it really upset me this time around. This was something that was very important to me and I needed her there, but she too is very self absorbed and couldnt be bothered with thinking about being there for me. And of course my dad defended her as he always does which further ticked me off. I just feel that it is very disrespectful to be late for something that is very important to someone you love. Is that bad? Now my mom is one of the greatest women I know and I fully expected her to be there for me but she was too busy following my dad around to make sure she didnt get in trouble. My dad is like a 2 year old and cant sit still so he kept wandering off and he is very controlling so if my mom wasnt with him he would have thrown a hissy fit. My IL family was off doing their own thing also.
So, there I was, on one of the hardest days of my life, all alone yet again. Having to take care of myself and my 2 children while everyone else took care of themselves. Is it horrible of me to have wanted and/or expected people to be there for me? I even at one point said to my mom that I was having a tough day. I had to make an excuse to go to my car just so I could cry the whole way there and back. I just feel like I am all alone most of the time on this and it is getting really upsetting and frustrating. When am I ever going to have the emotional support I need from my husband and the people I love? I almost feel like they dont think I am allowed to have bad days. I guess I just have to get used to dealing with everything on my own.
I give!!!
Ok, so daddy wasn't on board with the whole giving up the nuk thing for E so we bailed. There is no sense me fighting him and her over the issue. However she did do great for the one nap she had to go without it. About 15 min or so of her screaming until she gave in and went to sleep. Bedtime was a whole other story. Keep in mind that both girls were total brats all day long so mommy was VERY burnt out. Now the cherry on top was listening to E scream for mommy because she was upset to not have her nunnie (as she calls it). Of course M was getting mad at me because he can't stand listening to her cry/scream and he thinks she is too young to give up the nuk. This coming from the man that wanted to let her CIO when she was 3 months old!!!! I stood firm that she needed to give it up until about 30 min of the screaming. I was already extremely frazzled so I gave in. She won yet again! As soon as I gave her nuk back, she was out cold. Poor kid!!!
Maybe we will try again after the 2 year molars have come in. I just feel horrible taking her comfort source away from her when she is in so much pain with the molars coming in. How do I know my 20 month old is getting her 2 year molars you may ask? Well, first of all she has gotten all of her teeth way ahead of schedule so that made the drooling and finger chewing make sense. Not to mention that my sweet little girl turns in to a royal biach when she is teething. Once those puppies break through, my angel will be back again so get a move on already!!!! Teething tablets have been my saving grace!!! Thanks Momsmoo for recommending them!!!
Maybe we will try again after the 2 year molars have come in. I just feel horrible taking her comfort source away from her when she is in so much pain with the molars coming in. How do I know my 20 month old is getting her 2 year molars you may ask? Well, first of all she has gotten all of her teeth way ahead of schedule so that made the drooling and finger chewing make sense. Not to mention that my sweet little girl turns in to a royal biach when she is teething. Once those puppies break through, my angel will be back again so get a move on already!!!! Teething tablets have been my saving grace!!! Thanks Momsmoo for recommending them!!!
Friday, September 21, 2007
Interview Me
Momsmoo posted this nifty little interview meme and since it makes for an easy entry... here goes.The rules: Leave me a comment saying “Interview me.” I will respond by emailing you or leaving a comment with five questions. I get to pick the questions. If you don’t have a valid email address on your blog, please provide one. You will update your blog with a post containing your answers to the questions. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
1) What keeps you up at night?
I said I would never let my kids CIO but now know it is the only way my stubborn E will give in. I also hated those moms in the grocery store with the bratty kids throwing temper tantrums, now I feel for them because I know that no matter what a good parent you try to be your child has a mind of their own and at that age, there ain't nothin you can do about it!!
5) Change one thing about me and yourself. What is it and why?
One thing I would change about both of us is our perfectionism. Why? Because it drives both of us and both our hubbies nuts at times.
1) What keeps you up at night?
- Worrying about O's future and what her life will be like
- Worrying about my marriage and if it can withstand everything we have gone through and will go through
- Worrying about what the Buddy Walk will be like and if I will be able to handle being around all of those kids with DS without having a breakdown
- Any and all noises
- My mind racing a million miles about anything and everything
2) You have to redo your wedding top to bottom. Give me 5 things you would change.
- I would not have made my sister share MOH duties with someone who didnt even come close to deserving it
- Letting non-deserving MOH's bratty daughter be my flower girl
- Not finding the time to visit my grandfather in the hospital since he couldnt make it to the wedding
3) I want to be a surrogate... talk me into or out of it.
A mixed bag here, some on both sides...
Remember how much you and B HATED you being pregnant and just imagine carrying a child for 9 months and having to give it up. But...Imagine the look on someone's face when you give them the gift of a child of their own.
I said I would never let my kids CIO but now know it is the only way my stubborn E will give in. I also hated those moms in the grocery store with the bratty kids throwing temper tantrums, now I feel for them because I know that no matter what a good parent you try to be your child has a mind of their own and at that age, there ain't nothin you can do about it!!
5) Change one thing about me and yourself. What is it and why?
One thing I would change about both of us is our perfectionism. Why? Because it drives both of us and both our hubbies nuts at times.
Thank you!
Thank you very much to all of you that commented on my original post. It means a lot to have supportive people around us letting us know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Things are going much better recently. M is now on Zoloft for the depression which his Dr calls situational depression. He is handling things much better now even though he still considers giving her away.
I am doing better but still struggling with how to deal with the fact that the man I love wants to give up our child. I can't imagine ever giving up my child. Even though I think about the future and it scares the crap out of me because I have no idea how I am going to do it, I would never give away my child. Hopefully we can get past this horrible stage soon.
Things are going much better recently. M is now on Zoloft for the depression which his Dr calls situational depression. He is handling things much better now even though he still considers giving her away.
I am doing better but still struggling with how to deal with the fact that the man I love wants to give up our child. I can't imagine ever giving up my child. Even though I think about the future and it scares the crap out of me because I have no idea how I am going to do it, I would never give away my child. Hopefully we can get past this horrible stage soon.
Bye Bye Nunnies!
So the torture has started, we have decided to take our 20 month old, E, off her nunnies (nuks). She only gets them at naptime, bedtime, and when she isn't feeling well. It is starting to mess up her teeth so we have decided it is time to get rid of them. Plus I am still home on maternity leave so I can at least nap during the daytime if she gives us a horrible night.
So E and I gathered them up, talked about how the babies need them now and that we were going to send her nunnies to the babies. She carried them out to the mailbox and helped me put them inside and put up the flag (I made sure the mailman had already come for the day) and came back inside. Naptime is soon so hopefully it goes well!!!
Wish us luck!!!
So E and I gathered them up, talked about how the babies need them now and that we were going to send her nunnies to the babies. She carried them out to the mailbox and helped me put them inside and put up the flag (I made sure the mailman had already come for the day) and came back inside. Naptime is soon so hopefully it goes well!!!
Wish us luck!!!
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Why our world is upside down...
I would like to explain why my world is upside down. But first, let me explain my life this far.
I grew up with extremely strict parents so I was very excited to go away to college. I didn't go far away, but far enough to escape their grasp. I partied my butt off for the first year but not enough to get into too much trouble. I played volleyball in high school and in college so that helped keep me on track. I graduated college and moved to where I got my first job which happened to be where my sister lived also. I fell in love with a co-worker and we got married in Sept '03. We had our first daughter E in Jan '06. We got pregnant in November '06 and found out shortly after that we were expecting another little girl. So our lives were great! We had a beautiful home, a loving relationship, an adorable little girl, and a second one on the way.
2 weeks before my due date I started having contractions but they kept fizzling out. The next day they kicked in and kept on going. Our beautiful baby girl, O was born at 9:32 pm that evening. We were so excited to have a second, healthy baby girl. The hospital was so full that we ended up having to share a room that night with another woman and her baby. It wasn't so bad. The next morning my parents got there with E so she could meet her sister. It was very cute even though we aren't sure E understood what was going on. While everyone was there, the Pediatrician came in to check out O and give us her clean bill of health. Why should we expect anything different? I was only 29 and M (hubby) was only 30 and our integrated screen had come back negative for everything. We were given 1:5,200 chance for Down Syndrome, 1:7,000 chance for spina bifida, and a 1:10,000 chance for Trisomy 3. So when the words "I think your daughter has Down Syndrome" came out of his mouth, our world was turned upside down. It was the biggest shock of our lives and 5 1/2 weeks later we are still struggling every day.
M and I didn't want her, we wanted to give her back, put her up for adoption, or just leave her at the hospital. We had always said that we would never be able to be good parents to a child with special needs and in the severe depression that followed the news, we were sure she would be better off elsewhere. Our parents were a great support system in those dark days and still are. Our friends and extended family are also a tremendous help. My best friend is the ultimate researcher and immediately started finding out all sorts of stuff for us. M and I had never had any kind of interaction with anyone with DS so the pictures flooding our minds were not the greatest. The 2 weeks after we brought her home our moms took turns staying with us and helping us out since we were both in a tremendous fog. Each day seems to be getting better for me even though I have those tough days. I worry and wonder what kind of life she will have and I hope only the best for her. No one wants to see their child suffer, struggle, or be made fun of.
M is having a much harder time dealing with this than I am and I must say it is really wearing me down. I have a history of depression and although my case this time around is pretty mild, I can't seem to deal with M being so depressed. My last severe bout of depression was when we were dating and it didn't impact anyone but me. I lived alone in an apartment so if the place was a mess or not clean, no one had to deal with it but me. I am not allowing myself to get into that severe of a depression this time because our children, our home, my husband, etc. needs to be taken care of and M isn't going to be doing it. I can't handle having to be the only one to take care of everything on top of having a newborn that is breastfeeding. Some days I just want to smack the sh!t out of him so he snaps out of it but I know that won't help.
So, in a few short words, our lives were turned upside down and have yet to flip rightside up again.
Sorry this first post is such a downer, I just wanted to explain where my not-so-creative blog name came from. More upbeat posts to come I promise!!!
I grew up with extremely strict parents so I was very excited to go away to college. I didn't go far away, but far enough to escape their grasp. I partied my butt off for the first year but not enough to get into too much trouble. I played volleyball in high school and in college so that helped keep me on track. I graduated college and moved to where I got my first job which happened to be where my sister lived also. I fell in love with a co-worker and we got married in Sept '03. We had our first daughter E in Jan '06. We got pregnant in November '06 and found out shortly after that we were expecting another little girl. So our lives were great! We had a beautiful home, a loving relationship, an adorable little girl, and a second one on the way.
2 weeks before my due date I started having contractions but they kept fizzling out. The next day they kicked in and kept on going. Our beautiful baby girl, O was born at 9:32 pm that evening. We were so excited to have a second, healthy baby girl. The hospital was so full that we ended up having to share a room that night with another woman and her baby. It wasn't so bad. The next morning my parents got there with E so she could meet her sister. It was very cute even though we aren't sure E understood what was going on. While everyone was there, the Pediatrician came in to check out O and give us her clean bill of health. Why should we expect anything different? I was only 29 and M (hubby) was only 30 and our integrated screen had come back negative for everything. We were given 1:5,200 chance for Down Syndrome, 1:7,000 chance for spina bifida, and a 1:10,000 chance for Trisomy 3. So when the words "I think your daughter has Down Syndrome" came out of his mouth, our world was turned upside down. It was the biggest shock of our lives and 5 1/2 weeks later we are still struggling every day.
M and I didn't want her, we wanted to give her back, put her up for adoption, or just leave her at the hospital. We had always said that we would never be able to be good parents to a child with special needs and in the severe depression that followed the news, we were sure she would be better off elsewhere. Our parents were a great support system in those dark days and still are. Our friends and extended family are also a tremendous help. My best friend is the ultimate researcher and immediately started finding out all sorts of stuff for us. M and I had never had any kind of interaction with anyone with DS so the pictures flooding our minds were not the greatest. The 2 weeks after we brought her home our moms took turns staying with us and helping us out since we were both in a tremendous fog. Each day seems to be getting better for me even though I have those tough days. I worry and wonder what kind of life she will have and I hope only the best for her. No one wants to see their child suffer, struggle, or be made fun of.
M is having a much harder time dealing with this than I am and I must say it is really wearing me down. I have a history of depression and although my case this time around is pretty mild, I can't seem to deal with M being so depressed. My last severe bout of depression was when we were dating and it didn't impact anyone but me. I lived alone in an apartment so if the place was a mess or not clean, no one had to deal with it but me. I am not allowing myself to get into that severe of a depression this time because our children, our home, my husband, etc. needs to be taken care of and M isn't going to be doing it. I can't handle having to be the only one to take care of everything on top of having a newborn that is breastfeeding. Some days I just want to smack the sh!t out of him so he snaps out of it but I know that won't help.
So, in a few short words, our lives were turned upside down and have yet to flip rightside up again.
Sorry this first post is such a downer, I just wanted to explain where my not-so-creative blog name came from. More upbeat posts to come I promise!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)