I would like to explain why my world is upside down. But first, let me explain my life this far.
I grew up with extremely strict parents so I was very excited to go away to college. I didn't go far away, but far enough to escape their grasp. I partied my butt off for the first year but not enough to get into too much trouble. I played volleyball in high school and in college so that helped keep me on track. I graduated college and moved to where I got my first job which happened to be where my sister lived also. I fell in love with a co-worker and we got married in Sept '03. We had our first daughter E in Jan '06. We got pregnant in November '06 and found out shortly after that we were expecting another little girl. So our lives were great! We had a beautiful home, a loving relationship, an adorable little girl, and a second one on the way.
2 weeks before my due date I started having contractions but they kept fizzling out. The next day they kicked in and kept on going. Our beautiful baby girl, O was born at 9:32 pm that evening. We were so excited to have a second, healthy baby girl. The hospital was so full that we ended up having to share a room that night with another woman and her baby. It wasn't so bad. The next morning my parents got there with E so she could meet her sister. It was very cute even though we aren't sure E understood what was going on. While everyone was there, the Pediatrician came in to check out O and give us her clean bill of health. Why should we expect anything different? I was only 29 and M (hubby) was only 30 and our integrated screen had come back negative for everything. We were given 1:5,200 chance for Down Syndrome, 1:7,000 chance for spina bifida, and a 1:10,000 chance for Trisomy 3. So when the words "I think your daughter has Down Syndrome" came out of his mouth, our world was turned upside down. It was the biggest shock of our lives and 5 1/2 weeks later we are still struggling every day.
M and I didn't want her, we wanted to give her back, put her up for adoption, or just leave her at the hospital. We had always said that we would never be able to be good parents to a child with special needs and in the severe depression that followed the news, we were sure she would be better off elsewhere. Our parents were a great support system in those dark days and still are. Our friends and extended family are also a tremendous help. My best friend is the ultimate researcher and immediately started finding out all sorts of stuff for us. M and I had never had any kind of interaction with anyone with DS so the pictures flooding our minds were not the greatest. The 2 weeks after we brought her home our moms took turns staying with us and helping us out since we were both in a tremendous fog. Each day seems to be getting better for me even though I have those tough days. I worry and wonder what kind of life she will have and I hope only the best for her. No one wants to see their child suffer, struggle, or be made fun of.
M is having a much harder time dealing with this than I am and I must say it is really wearing me down. I have a history of depression and although my case this time around is pretty mild, I can't seem to deal with M being so depressed. My last severe bout of depression was when we were dating and it didn't impact anyone but me. I lived alone in an apartment so if the place was a mess or not clean, no one had to deal with it but me. I am not allowing myself to get into that severe of a depression this time because our children, our home, my husband, etc. needs to be taken care of and M isn't going to be doing it. I can't handle having to be the only one to take care of everything on top of having a newborn that is breastfeeding. Some days I just want to smack the sh!t out of him so he snaps out of it but I know that won't help.
So, in a few short words, our lives were turned upside down and have yet to flip rightside up again.
Sorry this first post is such a downer, I just wanted to explain where my not-so-creative blog name came from. More upbeat posts to come I promise!!!
8 comments:
first off, congrats to you on the birth of your baby!
I know when I found out my baby was having ds, I greived for the little girl I thought was the girl of my dreams. Down the road, I realized I got something better than my dreams..I got my Madison and she brought a tenderness, a love, a rising to challenges..she taught me to look beyond what most find so important in this life.
But at first, it hurt and I felt sad. No denying that.
I'm glad you have a support system around you..there are couple great sites for parents with children with ds http://www.network54.com/Forum/244888/ would be one I highly recommend..go browse and see all the good things that lie in both or your futures.
(((HUGS)))
Amy
congrats on the birth of your new daughter. we too, were surprised when our baby was born with DS. i just wanted to let you know that she has been the best thing that has happend to our family. she does not suffer or get teased, if anything she is complimented nad praised....she is a true blessing. on line support has been wonderful too. there many forums that are great. my personal favorite is http://www.network54.com/Forum/244888/
I have a blog as well if you would like to hook up!!
http://theflegefarm.blogspot.com
best wishes!
hello. My name is Kari I am Mommy to Chanelle and Tristan. Chanelle is 8 and Tristan is 3. I can still play it back in my mind like I have a rewind in there "Your son has Down Syndrome" Words that changed my life forever. I had a really rough time in the beginning because like you I had never met anyone with DS so I was ignorant and didn't really know what it meant. I received much support from the Trisomy 21 online community there are alot of wonderful people there and endless information. Over the years I have learned that parents are the professionals. I am not active on any message boards at the time as I just don't have the time any longer but I really recommend it especially the first year. If you ever have any questions or just want someone to chat with feel free to contact me I would be happy to do whatever I can. Here is a link of a montage I made of Tristans first 3 years. The main purpose for making it was to show new Moms that Down Syndrome isn't a horrible and everything will be ok.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CL1L2wK1NWs
I am not sure if anyone has introduced you to the Poem "Welcome To Holland" it offered me alot of comfort those first months and to this day is something I read often.
(Many hugs)
Congratulations on your new arrival. I must admit I pointed a few of my good online friends this way. You will find a wealth of resources online, and more support than you could ever imagine.
I have a three year old sporting a little bit of something extra by way of her twenty-first chromosome.
You can find some of the most positive reading available on the Gifts website, at: giftsds.segullah.org/
I have also compiled a great list of online resources at: http://giftsds.segullah.org/down_syndrome_links.htm, and my own personal favorite is my very own blogroll: extra21.blogspot.com.
I'm with Ostertaga on the referral to the T21 board. It is a fabulous resource too.
Congratulations on the arrival of your daughter! My oldest son, Archie, has Down syndrome, so I understand from my own experience the emotions you're sorting through right now.
I know you feel as if the world as you know it has ended. And, honestly, it has. But the good news... the very, very good news... is a new, brighter, better world just opened itself to you. I know you can't see that right now, and that you probably think I'm some sort of crazy person for saying so, but I promise you that it's true.
Hang in there. It will get better. It really will.
Please visit me online when you have a chance. My family's web site is:
http://www.archiesroom.com
And my blog is:
http://www.archiesroom.com/blog
Hugs and kisses to you and your sweet new baby,
Anne
Hello There
Congrats to your new baby girl!
I am also a mom to a T21 kid. Vincent who was born May 12,2006. 3 days later I got the schock of my life, as I was told he prtobably had DS. I also had done the screening and it came back with low risk. I was 27 when I got pregnant. I had no experience whatsoever, and I also thought (sadly I can now honestly say) that I would not be able to raise a kid with any type of special need. I knew nothing about DS. The first few weeks were a fog. We got lucky and got a really great theraoist (family therapist) that we were able to meet the first time the day after the diagnos was confirmed. She has helped us heaps and heaps. She help us both get through the fog, as both me and Vincent's dad handled the dealing very different.
But heck it HURT, my head was ponding with DS at every waken moment the first few weeks/maybe month.
The people online ROCK! They have alsos aved me. First of all they taught me that kids with DS are not scary or ugly looking, they are beautiful! Sounds crazy maybe, but soon you will see it. Also, ask away all the questions you can, there are no stupid questions, None. Promise, we have all had them before. When walk,t alk, crawl, turn, speak, or glasses, braises, heads, whatever, ask away! You need to get some answers to all the million of questions bouncing around.
Please feel free to add me to your msn messenger (cmolin77@hotmail.com) or send me an email if you don't want to ask via my blog.
Also, if you click on my blog (I have entries from before birth tiull today and onwards) and on the right side, a bit down is a link to a video, 2 min long. Take a look at it, the link is called How To Look forward to the Future. If you are not strong enough yet, you can also wait digesting all the news and websites, but the blogs are really great way to get to know other families in the same situation!
Hugs to you fr Christina
www.christinamolin.wordpress.com
Welcome to Holland, MamaC!
Congrats on the birth of your daughter! I'm sure that she is gorgeous!
We have all been there and grieved each in our own way. It's normal to have your feelings ping ponging all over the place.
We have a 5.5 y/o son with DS who just started kingergarten in a "typical" classroom. He is loved by his classmates and he quite the sought out guy to play with!
I linked through to your blog from downsyn...
just wanted you to know that you are not alone.
I have Ian (2 1/2) and I was so excited when I was pregnant with Chase (5mos- Ds) because I was going to have a little Ian clone. The Ds surprised us all. But here he is- not exactly like Ian, but perfect in his own way.
I still have moments. Who doesn't? But it gets better.
I'm looking forward to reading the rest of your posts.
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