So, we had our first Buddy Walk for Down Syndrome awareness this weekend. I had a really hard day but I made it through. I was very nervous the day before and morning of because I was scared what I was going to see. I was afraid how real it was going to be and how I can't ingore it anymore. I was very happy that I was going to be surrounded by family to help me through the day, but it didnt turn out that way. My mom & dad, MIL & FIL, Grandma-in-law, Aunt-in-law, sister & nephews, and husband were all there with me, but I might as well been alone.
I expressed my fear to my husband the day before and the morning of but he was too busy going around talking to everyone else and never bothered to make sure I was doing ok. He has always been self absorbed so I dont know why I expected any different. The next worst thing was that my sister was over an hour late getting there. Granted, she by her shear dumb luck, managed to show up just in time to join us for the walk. She is always late but it really upset me this time around. This was something that was very important to me and I needed her there, but she too is very self absorbed and couldnt be bothered with thinking about being there for me. And of course my dad defended her as he always does which further ticked me off. I just feel that it is very disrespectful to be late for something that is very important to someone you love. Is that bad? Now my mom is one of the greatest women I know and I fully expected her to be there for me but she was too busy following my dad around to make sure she didnt get in trouble. My dad is like a 2 year old and cant sit still so he kept wandering off and he is very controlling so if my mom wasnt with him he would have thrown a hissy fit. My IL family was off doing their own thing also.
So, there I was, on one of the hardest days of my life, all alone yet again. Having to take care of myself and my 2 children while everyone else took care of themselves. Is it horrible of me to have wanted and/or expected people to be there for me? I even at one point said to my mom that I was having a tough day. I had to make an excuse to go to my car just so I could cry the whole way there and back. I just feel like I am all alone most of the time on this and it is getting really upsetting and frustrating. When am I ever going to have the emotional support I need from my husband and the people I love? I almost feel like they dont think I am allowed to have bad days. I guess I just have to get used to dealing with everything on my own.
5 comments:
hi, how are u there..?
Hey There
I am sorry you had a rough day. I think you were so brave to go in the first place. It took me a long time to gt involved, and i was scared BIG time the first time I met someone with DS. There ar no Buddy Walk's over here (unfortunately), but you should really be proud of yourself. HAve you been able to find a support group of moms around where you live?
I hope you feel better today!
Christina
www.christinamolin.wordpress.com
I am so sorry I wasn't there. I guess I just assumed that you would be surrounded by everyone that you wouldn't need me there, but I was wrong. I should have known better. XOXO to you all.
I just wanted to let you know that your family is in my thoughts. I get updates on you all from momsmoo and ask about you often. I'm glad that you are getting involved. Be proud of yourself for that. It's an important step. Your girls are lucky to have you.
Nicole Bailey
I'm sorry that you had a rough day. I totally understand the fears of going to the Buddy Walk. My husband and I were both kind of torn on whether to go or not, not quite ready to jump on the "celebrate Down syndrome" parade. I don't know if we ever will be. We were also quite nervous to be around other people with DS, especially adults. But in reality, it wasn't bad. Most of the kids were pretty cute and just played along with everyone else. And the ones that weren't, well, when I looked at their parents and sibs, I could understand why. Also, seeing other children actually made us feel grateful for how well our daughter is doing.
My situation as far as family was a bit different than yours. I honestly did not want family to come at all. I wanted to use the buddy walk as an opportunity to meet other parents and ask for help. My parents and sisters and their families signed up and came on their own without me specifically inviting them. I do appreciate the support, but my mom has a way of making every conversation about her. So, I kind of ignored them the whole time. But we did meet some great families and it made me feel better to know that they were all in their mid-20s when their child was born (I was 30).
In all, it was a good and hard day. I did not like having to be there but I was glad to see that I am not alone.
Emily - mom to Macy (T21)
hamula.blogspot.com
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