I don’t think there is any way that I can put into words how incredibly emotional the last few hours have been. O had her 1 year EI evaluation this afternoon and I am still reeling from the roller coaster of emotions that it caused.
O is 13 months old (in 5 days, but was evaluated at 12 mo).
Here are her scores:
Adaptive = 9 months (eating from a spoon, holding/supporting bottle to feed self, dressing, eating)
Personal-Social; Adult Interaction = 11 months (how child interacts with adults around her)
Personal-Social; Self-concept & Social Role = 18 months (emotion, coping skills, sensitivity to others needs & feelings)
Receptive Language = 5 months (child’s ability to understand speech) this is the one we kind of bent the truth a bit on to make sure she would continue to qualify for services
Expressive Language = 11 months (Child’s ability to express thoughts and needs. Use of sounds, gestures, words)
Gross Motor = 8 months (muscle control, coordination, balance) kinda fibbed on this one too, said she wasn’t pulling up to knees or stand which she is doing
Fine Motor = 8 months (posture & control of upper body, hand manipulation skills, arm use)
Cognitive; Attention & Memory = 9 months (ability to attend to environmental stimuli) fibbed a bit here too, said she doesn’t look at us when we speak to her, but she does
Cognitive; Perception & Concepts = 13 months (how a child interacts with environment – sensory & motor)
Now, on paper it looks like we should have been jumping for joy and overly excited about her eval. But, what the paper doesn’t tell you is how unbelievably emotional it was. I was so excited about how the PT was practically screaming about how well she is doing, but freaking out thinking “does this mean she isn’t going to qualify for services”? Then with every question they would ask I would think “ok, how should I answer this so she doesn’t score to high and lose services”? So, I really have no idea how she is doing because I wasn’t 100% honest on everything in the speech and congnitive areas. And although I know that the scores aren’t 100% accurate, I am having a hard time with the delays showing up. Areas like fine motor, adaptive, etc. where I was totally honest and she scored low are really hard to swallow. I knew the day would come when the delays would start creeping in, I knew it would happen today, but just because you know it is coming doesn’t make it any easier to accept. I think that is what is the hardest for me, to realize that she isn’t just like any other 1 year old, she is different. I am so used to her kicking butt at every Dr apt and therapy apt that seeing her delayed is a shock to the system. Now, I know that her being delayed and different is ok, and I am getting closer to a point where I can fully embrace that. But it isn’t an easy road by any stretch of the imagination.
Some would call what I did “lying” and shake their head at me, but what I did was what I needed to do for the best interest of my child. If that makes me a liar, then tattoo it on my forehead because I don’t care. I will do whatever it takes to make sure O retains her therapy services through the county!
Anyone that has been through this evaluation process knowing that their child needs the services but may be doing too well to qualify, knows the rollercoaster that the evaluation can cause. We made it through, with buckets of tears, but now we can keep plodding forward and pushing her on her way!!! I am so proud of my little butterfly that I could burst, we tried to do everything to make her perform poorly but she still wowed them! No nap, no lunch, etc. and she still was the most adorable child ever (well, next to E of course).
Now, if I can just convince the OT and speech therapist to do a real evaluation at her next appointments so we can find out where she really stands, I will be happy!
Needless to say I am back at work and not getting much of anything done. It was torture to have to take my sleeping angel off my chest, load her into her car seat, and take her back to daycare today. I cried the whole way there and the whole way in to work from all of the overwhelming emotions of the day and having to leave her. I will be rushing home as quickly as possible to love on her more.
Do I get a t-shirt that says "I survived the EI Rollercoaster"?
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