"Whole Big Bunches, Forever and Ever"

Here is a little background...
In my dad's side of the family, my grandparents have always said "I love you whole bunches, forever and ever". It became kind of a tradition with the family so we always say it to each other. My Grandfather will say "I love you whole bunches" and I will say "forever and ever". It is something I have always loved and was excited to pass down to the younger generations.

My oldest, E is almost 2.5. For a while now, when she takes a nap, she says "mommy, I took a whole big nap" and she will make a circle with her arms when she says "whole big" and it is just the most adorable thing you have ever seen. She has started spilling the "whole big" to other stuff like "I ate a whole big dinner" or "I made a whole big mess".

Also, she has recently been saying "I love you too" when M or I say "I love you". She has also been such a sponge lately picking up everything we say or do. I figured I would give it a shot and yesterday I started saying "I love you whole big bunches, forever and ever" with arm motions with "whole big" and everything. She would repeat it when I prompted but never on her own.

Well, yesterday morning she was on her way out the door with daddy and I said "I love you" and she said "I love you too Mommy" which was enough to break my heart. She turned to leave and turned back around and looked at me and said "whole big bunches, forever and ever". Needless to say I was a puddle of mush by the time she was out the door!

I must say that I have loved every stage of her development so far, but this is by far the best. I love being able to have conversations with her and talk to her about stuff. It is the best! =)

A$$VICE

Ok, so I am a fixer, and I always end up spouting out my a$$svice when it isn't needed, wanted, or asked for. I have a problem! Is there a 12 step program for people that can't realize when to keep their mouth shut and even when they realize can't seem to control their mouth? I am thinking that in order for this program to be sucessful for me, it would require a TON of extremely strong duct tape! This duct tape would need to be wrapped around my fingers which would then need to be taped so that they were covering my mouth. This would keep me from typing anything in emails or spouting off my mouth.

I don't know why I can't seem to realize when my a$$vice is not needed or that I really have no value to add to the situation. I just can't stand when someone I love is having trouble with something and I can't do anything to fix it. In this kind of situation the a$$vice gene kicks into hyper-speed and cannot be contained!!!!

Someone, please come up with a 12 step program or pill I can pop to help me keep my mouth (and mouth via fingers typing) under control!!!!!

Steps:
1 ~ Admit you have a problem
2 ~ Warn everyone in your path that you have a serious problem
3 ~ Evaluate why you feel the compulsive need to fix things
4 ~ Realize that you don't know squat in most cases where a$$vice is being offered
5 ~ Know that a hug and sympathy goes much further to help a situation than unsolicited a$$vice
6 ~ Resist all natural instincts in a situation that a$$vice would normally be given
7 ~ You aren't any smarter than the person you are trying to help, so don't flatter yourself
8 ~ Seek out and apologize to anyone you feel you may have hurt/offended/upset by your a$$vice
Ok, I tried to get to 12 but the creative juices just aren't flowing today as well as the a$$vice seems to be!!!

P.S. ~ Sorry to all of you that I have jammed my a$$vice down your throat! I will work on my program and hopefully improve in this area. My list of "self-fixing" is getting very long, but I will put this at the top of the list!

Happy Birthday my Man!!!

I would sing you a song but you don't need to be tortured on your birthday. So this day is all about you, right? Well, it can be a little about me and how lucky I am to have such an amazing man as my husband, right? So, in addition to a "Happy Birthday to my Man" post, this is going to be a "Brag about how I am the luckiest girl in the world to be married to my Man post" too.

My man is 31 today and I have known him for only 8 of those years. For the first few years we were just coworkers and friends/enemies (long story). Then one day I "saw the light" and realized that I didn't just care about this person, I was madly in love with him. So, I did what any normal girl would do, I got drunk and made my move! A year to the day from that moment, we got engaged where we had our first kiss. And 10 months later we were married.

Onto why i am the luckiest woman alive. The more and more I talk to my friends, coworkers, etc. about their familes, the more I realize just how great I have it. M is the best father and husband around (sorry W). He is a very involved dad and gets very upset if he doesn't get to see his kids and spend time with them every day. He is a softie, but knows when he has to be tough. He goes above and beyond with our girls and it makes my heart melt to see him with them. They just adore him to death. He is Mr. Therapy with O because I am just not up for the task, I am too much of a softie when it comes to that stuff. One little whimper and I cave. He can somehow manage to get through it because he wants nothing but the best for her future. He is the same with both girls, will do whatever it takes to make sure they always have what they want out of life. Not many women can say that about the father of their children and I know I am insanely lucky for that!!!

M is also the best husband a girl could have. He puts up with so much crap from me, I am amazed that he can see daylight sometimes. To say I am moody is probably an understatement and he gets the brunt of my frustrations. I know it isnt fair to him and I am working on that and I pray he bears with me. He is a very romantic, sweet, kind, caring, and passionate man and I sometimes lose sight of that (something else I am working on). If I were to tell you that I love this man with everything that I posess, it would be so far understating how I feel. He is my everything and I cherish every day that I am blessed to have him in my life.

I don't think he ever reads this blog, but if you ever do honey, please know that I love you more than you could ever imagine. Thank you with all my heart for being such an amazing man!! I am SO lucky to have you as my husband and the father of my children. Happy Birthday Baby!!!

My little mom

I had the stomach flu yesterday and felt horrible. M took the girls to daycare and I spent the day at home, sick. I went to get the girls and brought them home at the normal time and ended up on the couch because I felt so lousy. E kept coming over to check on me and make sure I was ok. She had to sit right next to me to make sure I felt ok. She kept trying to bring me drinks and food in case I needed it. She brought me extra blankets in case I was cold and kept kissing my forehead to make me feel better. She would pat my back and stroke my head and say "feel better mommy?" It was the sweetest thing in the world.
I always knew she was a little mother hen because of how she is with O, but she did such a good job taking care of mommy last night too. I just can't believe what a big girl she is already! Time went way too fast!
But don't let the mommyness fool you, little miss E is a tough cookie too. There is a boy at her daycare that is constantly in trouble and gives her crap all the time too. He has bit her twice and given her countless "boo-boos". Well, M witnessed one of his nasty acts this morning and was beaming with pride over how E handled it. This little boy came up to E and hit her in the face with a toy. Well, E proceeded to floor him. She pushed him and yelled "NO" and he landed on his butt. M was so proud of her for being so tough. She definitely gets that honest from her mommy!!! I can just picture her doing it too and every time I do, it makes me chuckle. Not that I enjoy my child pushing another child, but when it is the daycare bully and she is defending herself...well, right on sista! LOL

Heart ache

I took the girls for new pictures this weekend, pictures for O's 9 month bday and pics of E & O for daddy for Father's Day. When looking at the pictures my heart just aches for 2 totally different reasons. It aches from overflowing love for my gorgeous children. I just cant help looking at these pictures and overflowing with an insane amount of love that my heart aches from all of it.

But, my heart also aches for a whole other reason. It aches in pain for all of those people out there in this world that have lost children or are unable to have children. I can't imagine not being able to see my kids every day and love on them as much as I want. I don't know how those parents survive. A friend of mine from high school has had to bury two babies and the thought of having to go through that makes my heart hurt. I can't imagine missiong out on all of these moments with my sweet children.

My heart also aches for those people that chose not to have kids for whatever reason. They will never get to know the pure love and joy that comes from being a parent. They will never be touched by that amazing feeling of unconditional love. They will never know the overflowing joy that comes when your child accomplishes something they arent "supposed" to. They will never get to see the world through the eyes of their child and realize what a beautiful place it is.

So, of course I have to share the pictures that brought about all this heart ache...

Waiting patiently...

Here I sit, still waiting patiently for that magic day everyone keeps talking about. The day where I am finally ok with the DS and the thought of having another child with DS no longer scares the crap out of me. Everyone says that I will get there, but I am starting to question it. Shouldn't I be there by now? I love O more than anything (well not more than hubby or E) but I honestly don't feel like I will ever be ok with the DS. I think about all of the things E was doing at 9 months and all of the things O could be doing right now and it is so upsetting. I know she will get there in her own time, but it is frustrating that she has to struggle so much. I guess the one saving grace is that O has no idea what she is missing out on, it is just her mommy that can't seem to get over it. I keep hearing that these feelings are normal and will go away but I have a hard time believing that. All the people I "know" that have kids with DS say they would have many more with DS but that thought makes me not want to try for more kids. So of course I feel like a failure as a mother for feeling that. I keep waiting for the day that the fears and hate of DS go away, but they are no where in sight right now.
I guess I really need to learn some patience and have faith that it will come one day. I am just a planner by nature and it bugs me that I don't know if I will have more kids or not and I don't know how I will deal with O's challenges in the future. Some days I feel like I am a great mother to my girls, but days like today I feel like a total failure to them.

Agree to disagree?

Why does everything have to be a contest over who is right and who is wrong? Why cant it be something that we can agree to disagree on? My sister and I are having a "huge" feud right now. Many of our family memebers had noticed, and mentioned to me, that she tends to favor one child over the other. Shows one more affection, gives them more time, works with them more, gets them involved in activites, brags more, etc. I had also noticed it and was trying despirately not to mention anything because I feared the fallout that would occur. Well, there was a straw that broke this camels back and I said something. The points I made were this...
~ Show more love and affection to one child over the other
~ Leave one child left out
~ Don't brag about both kids equally
~ I know she loves them and is a good parent and wouldnt want to be doing it so that is why I said something.
Somehow, in her mind, it got turned into this...
~ She doesnt love her children
~ She treats her second child like crap
~ I said something to intentionally hurt her feelings

I really wonder how what I said could have gotten twisted so much. It certainly isnt at all what I expected. Then at many times I was told (by her) that i shouldnt have said anything, that it isnt my business. Somehow I just dont see how the well being and feelings of my nephews arent my business. So now we are at a stale mate. She can't move past it unless I apologize for what I said and that isnt going to happen. I have apologized for hurting her and what all of this has turned into, but I wont apologize for what i said because I still believe it to be true. Basically, she has to "win". I need to say "you are right and I am wrong" in order for her to be ok with the situation. There is no "agree to disagree" for her. The main problem of all of this is that my mom is involved too. Sis called her to biach about what I said and Mom told her the same things. And of course Sis had the same reaction to Mom that she had to me. And, of all people, my mom is the LAST person to intentionally hurt someone and Sis knows that. But, Sis still defends that she doesnt favor one over the other and "knows in her heart we are wrong", so I guess I dont get what the issue is. Why cant she just accept that we have different opinions and move on?

Did I cause a big feud with my sister and mother when they said that M and I do too much therapy with O and they don't agree with it? No, I respectfully disagreed and continued to do exactly as I thought was best for my child. I appreciate that they are looking out for her best interest and felt comfortable enough to say something to me about it.

Did M cause a big feud with me when I said something to him about how he doesnt pay as much attention to E as he does to O? Nope, he thought about it and even though he didnt agree, he made an effort and now realizes that it was an issue. E's behavior has changed dramatically.

I guess the only area I can say I was truly "wrong" in this situation is that I thought my sister was a mature adult and could handle the observation with dignity. Boy, was I way off base or what?

Again, why cant she just agree that we disagree on this topic and move on? If she honestly feels in her heart she is right, what does it matter what other people think?