Waiting patiently...

Here I sit, still waiting patiently for that magic day everyone keeps talking about. The day where I am finally ok with the DS and the thought of having another child with DS no longer scares the crap out of me. Everyone says that I will get there, but I am starting to question it. Shouldn't I be there by now? I love O more than anything (well not more than hubby or E) but I honestly don't feel like I will ever be ok with the DS. I think about all of the things E was doing at 9 months and all of the things O could be doing right now and it is so upsetting. I know she will get there in her own time, but it is frustrating that she has to struggle so much. I guess the one saving grace is that O has no idea what she is missing out on, it is just her mommy that can't seem to get over it. I keep hearing that these feelings are normal and will go away but I have a hard time believing that. All the people I "know" that have kids with DS say they would have many more with DS but that thought makes me not want to try for more kids. So of course I feel like a failure as a mother for feeling that. I keep waiting for the day that the fears and hate of DS go away, but they are no where in sight right now.
I guess I really need to learn some patience and have faith that it will come one day. I am just a planner by nature and it bugs me that I don't know if I will have more kids or not and I don't know how I will deal with O's challenges in the future. Some days I feel like I am a great mother to my girls, but days like today I feel like a total failure to them.

Agree to disagree?

Why does everything have to be a contest over who is right and who is wrong? Why cant it be something that we can agree to disagree on? My sister and I are having a "huge" feud right now. Many of our family memebers had noticed, and mentioned to me, that she tends to favor one child over the other. Shows one more affection, gives them more time, works with them more, gets them involved in activites, brags more, etc. I had also noticed it and was trying despirately not to mention anything because I feared the fallout that would occur. Well, there was a straw that broke this camels back and I said something. The points I made were this...
~ Show more love and affection to one child over the other
~ Leave one child left out
~ Don't brag about both kids equally
~ I know she loves them and is a good parent and wouldnt want to be doing it so that is why I said something.
Somehow, in her mind, it got turned into this...
~ She doesnt love her children
~ She treats her second child like crap
~ I said something to intentionally hurt her feelings

I really wonder how what I said could have gotten twisted so much. It certainly isnt at all what I expected. Then at many times I was told (by her) that i shouldnt have said anything, that it isnt my business. Somehow I just dont see how the well being and feelings of my nephews arent my business. So now we are at a stale mate. She can't move past it unless I apologize for what I said and that isnt going to happen. I have apologized for hurting her and what all of this has turned into, but I wont apologize for what i said because I still believe it to be true. Basically, she has to "win". I need to say "you are right and I am wrong" in order for her to be ok with the situation. There is no "agree to disagree" for her. The main problem of all of this is that my mom is involved too. Sis called her to biach about what I said and Mom told her the same things. And of course Sis had the same reaction to Mom that she had to me. And, of all people, my mom is the LAST person to intentionally hurt someone and Sis knows that. But, Sis still defends that she doesnt favor one over the other and "knows in her heart we are wrong", so I guess I dont get what the issue is. Why cant she just accept that we have different opinions and move on?

Did I cause a big feud with my sister and mother when they said that M and I do too much therapy with O and they don't agree with it? No, I respectfully disagreed and continued to do exactly as I thought was best for my child. I appreciate that they are looking out for her best interest and felt comfortable enough to say something to me about it.

Did M cause a big feud with me when I said something to him about how he doesnt pay as much attention to E as he does to O? Nope, he thought about it and even though he didnt agree, he made an effort and now realizes that it was an issue. E's behavior has changed dramatically.

I guess the only area I can say I was truly "wrong" in this situation is that I thought my sister was a mature adult and could handle the observation with dignity. Boy, was I way off base or what?

Again, why cant she just agree that we disagree on this topic and move on? If she honestly feels in her heart she is right, what does it matter what other people think?

First Annual Golf Tourney

Our local DS center had their first annual golf tournament on Saturday. The weather was cold and mostly yucky but we had a great turnout! Over 80 golfers and a bunch of volunteers. The golfers seemed to have fun and enjoy the day. But the best part is that we raised awareness and a decent amount of money for our local DS center. Hubby was on the committee and they did a great job pulling everything together. I, the organization freak, got pulled in at the last minute to organize the volunteers. All in all the day went well and we won some cool prizes in the raffle. It was a great day for the center so I am very proud of the hubby for helping to make it a success!

=(

I miss my kids SO MUCH today! Must be the overly emotional, hormonal, and lack of sleep in me talking but I have just been having so much fun with them lately that I HATE leaving them. O is jabbering up a storm which is incredibly adorable and E has an imagination on her that is amazing. She is speaking in full sentences and telling hysterical stories. She is so animated when she talks that you cant help but stare at her with a huge smile on your face. Even though she mumbles like her daddy and is hard to understand, her expressions and "drama" are entertainment enough. And O has grown up so much in the last month. She is self feeding her solids and making huge strides with her development. My little girls are growing up too fast!!! Maybe that is why I am missing them so much lately, I feel like I am missing out on so much of their lives. These are the days I hate being a working mom!!! If only I could win the lottery already, things would be perfect! ;)

9 month check-up

O had her 9 month check-up yesterday and she has gotten so big. She is now 15 lbs., 10.5 oz. and 26 inches long. That puts her at the 50% for weight and between 50% & 75% for height on the DS charts. It puts her at 5% for weight and 10% for height on the typical child charts.

Her regular Dr. hasn't seen her for a while because he was out on medical leave. He couldn't get over how well she is doing. He asked the typical 9 month apt questions and I was able to answer that she was doing most of it. He was so happy for us that she is doing so well. Of course I left being a very proud mommy! Only one shot and she barely cried so that was good too.

She is continuing to babble non-stop for us which just melts my heart. It is amazing how sweet it sounds knowing that she "shouldn't" be doing it just yet. We have high hopes for her!!!

We have "words"!!!

O has started babbling again! She took about 6 weeks off from the last round so I am hoping it sticks this time. We have mama, dada, baba, and wawa so far. It is adorable to watch her babble on and on and on! She was yapping all evening last night and I loved it!!! We of course called Nana & Pappy so she could talk to them and Nona called while I was getting off with them so she heard her talking. Then we called Auntie B and her cousins who were excited to hear her talking. Her speech therapist called to talk to me about her apt the other week and heard her and was VERY excited by all the "words" she is making. She has her next apt on Thursday so hopefully she shows off then. It all started at her OT apt yesterday so her OT was blown away! She is definitely our little rock star!

She has her 9 month check up tonight so I am anxious to find out how much she has grown. She looks gianormous to me so I am hoping that translates to her staying at the 50% on her charts! I am nervous about the shots though.

Happy 9 month Birthday O

A few days late, but I was having too much fun smooching on my girls this weekend to post. O turned 9 months old on Saturday the 26th. I can't believe it has been that long already. My sweet girl continues to amaze me every day with her strength and determination. She is trying so hard to crawl but is still going backwards, but that is progress!! She is starting to talk more which is exciting but it only comes in spurts. Although M told me he heard her say mama today so I am very jealous about that! hopefully she does it for me tonight. Oh, yet another joy of being a working mom!

So, happy 9 month bday O! Mommy loves you more than you could ever know!

Showing off her muscles...

Daddy putting funny sunglasses on her...

Mommy taking a pic of her with her girls...