Been a while!!

WOW it has been a while since I have posted. Things have been beyond crazy here with being back to work and everything else.

First I would like to point out that I am kind-of slow when it comes to this blog stuff, I JUST realized today that people had posted comments to some of my blogs. How I could have missed that I have no idea, but I did. So, if you posted a comment on my blog and I never responded I am very sorry! I guess it can be one of those things I like to blame on the mommy brain! LOL

I definitley want to give a little update on O! SHE IS DOING FABULOUS!!!! She still receives OT once a week and she is now getting a Speech Pathologist once every 2 weeks. She is sitting on her own, "crawling" backwards, rolling both ways, banging stuff together in front of her, attempting to babble (get dada every once in a while), self feeding food chunks, and most importantly lighting up our world every day. Her OT can't get over how fabulous she is doing!! She keeps calling her "the wonder child". Her colleagues don't believe her when she tells them all the things O is doing. Can you tell I am a proud mommy? ;)

As for me, I cant say that I am 100% ok with the DS, but I dont know that I will ever be. What I do know is that I love her SOOOOOOO much and she and her sister light up my life. The only reason I say that I wont ever be ok with the DS is because I love my child and never want anything to stand in her way of what she wants. As long as the DS stays out of her way, I am ok with it. I dont think any parent wants their child to be limited with what they can do in life.

And of course, I had to attach some pics because I haven't posted any yet. Once you look at them, you will understand why she lights up my world! And I had to throw in some pics of big sis also!

OK NEVERMIND...having trouble posting pics, I will have to try back later!

Obsessed

Out of nowhere, I have suddenly become obsessed with being fashionable. Never in my life have I cared much about how I look or the clothes I wear. Recently though I have begun to be changing that. It started out with having to have cute purses, then I moved onto cute shoes, now cute clothes and haircut. I was always the kind of girl that had a few pairs of shoes - brown, black, sneakers, and flip flops. I always carried a plain black purse and had a plain old haircut. I have no idea where this new obsession has come from, but it is certainly expensive! LOL Maybe, after almost 30 years, I have finally become a girl. Maybe it is from carrying 2 girls and having all that estrogen in my body! Maybe it is a "mid-life crisis". Who knows but it is kind of fun!

What happened?

I want to know who came into my house during the night and traded my kids for their evil twins! Out of nowhere both my children have decided that they dont want to sleep. E fights going to bed every single night, no matter what we try. She used to go to bed so well, but not anymore. It is an all out power struggle! Guess this is part of the "terrible twos". Then our good girl, O, has decided that she is going to get up at least once, if not twice a night to eat which she hasnt done since birth. But for some reason this past month or so, she has thought it is fun. Mommy is stressed at work and so far beyond exhausted it isnt funny. I want my sweet & sleepy girls back!

Happy Birthday E!!!

I can't believe E is two years old today! She amazes us every day with the silly stuff she does and says. She has really turned into a toddler the last few months. And she is talking in full sentences and always telling us what she is up to. She will be running around the house and fall down and yell "Mommy, I fall down". It is hysterical. Along with all the cute stuff she says, are the not so cute things. She is definitely a strong minded child and always knows what she wants, and she has no problem letting you know about it! She has become super bossy too which is cute most of the time. She is an amazing big sister to O which makes me so happy. She is always taking care of her and wanting to hold her. She is definitely a mother hen to her. If O starts crying she runs over and says "Don't cry baby, dont cry" and starts singing to her and patting her head and belly. It just melts my heart!!!
We are having her Strawberry Shortcake party tomorrow which she is very excited about. She loves Strawberry Shortcake! I am so glad all the cute stuff from my childhood is coming back like Care Bears, Cabbage Patch dolls, My Little Ponies, and Strawberry Shortcake. There aren't nearly enough wholesome characters out there these days.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY E BABY!!! MOMMY LOVES YOU WHOLE BUNCHES, FOREVER AND EVER!!!!!!

Good Riddens 2007!!!!!!!!!

Ok, so to say this year has sucked is the understatement of the year.
Lets start off the year by trying to get the house ready to be sold. Things go well and we have 15 showings in the first week and an offer by the end of the week. In the meantime we have found our perfect home that is for sale by owner. Everyone agrees to end of May as our closing but with the understanding that it will most likely be end of April. After this, it all falls apart. Our buyers demand money toward fixing the garage & carport roof and refuse to move up the closing date. The seller of the house we want is having trouble with the house he is buying so he threatens to back out on us at the end of April. Here we are, I am 6 months pregnant, and in fear of being homeless. At the last minute we started looking at other houses but it all fell into place and we were able to get everything worked out. Settled May 25 and everything went well moving in. Except that they took all the window hardware and left the house disgusting. So we made them give us $$ for the hardware and they were ticked! Needless to say, these people were jerks!!!
In the midst of all of this turmoil, we ended up having E in the hospital for Bronchiolitis. She was in for 3 days and it was horrible! Luckily she didnt need an IV or the O2 mask, just blow by.
Then in July, 2 weeks before my due date, I went into labor with baby #2! After 8 hours of labor and 9 pushes, O was here! We thought the hardest thing about her birth was picking her name. The next morning is when we found out about the DS. The next few months were a daze. In the midst of that daze, M wrecked the car which took forever to fix.
Then this past weekend we ended up in the hospital with O for Pneumonia. Just got out yesterday.
Needless to say we are super excited to say good riddens to 2007! What a horrific year, but I guess it could always be worse. I just pray our luck is better for 2008!

Testament of Faith

My church does what is called a Testament of Faith. Almost every Sunday someone gets up and talks about their faith. Since mine was severely in question for a while after finding out about O's condition and I was able to find my way back, I thought it would be perfect for me to do one for her baptism on Sunday. Please let me know what you think.

It is March 22nd and we have just found out that we are having our second baby girl. We are so excited and can’t wait to meet her. We have had the genetic testing and now the detailed ultrasound which have both told us that our baby girl is perfect in every way. Now all there is to do is start shopping and pick out a name. In the months that followed we found our perfect home and moved in. Our jobs were going well, our oldest daughter was a little angel, and we had the home we always wanted. In short, our life was perfect. M and I were feeling like we were on top of the world and couldn’t wait for our new bundle of joy to arrive. Really, how blessed could 2 people be?

It is now July 26th ~ I have been wanting this baby to arrive ASAP even though she isn’t due until August 8th. Around 430 the contractions had gotten pretty strong and steady and by 630 we were at the hospital. They put us into a room immediately and started setting up for her birth. Before we knew it, it was time to push. 9 pushes and she was out, she was almost in as much of a hurry to be born as I was to have her. She was born at 9:32 pm and was 6 lbs, 5 ½ ounces and 20 ½ inches long. It took us over a half an hour to agree to her name…O Lynn it is. Lynn after my mom Linda and her Auntie Nikki who’s middle name is also Lynn. After a rough night sharing a room with another mom, since the hospital was so full, we were anxious for E to meet her little sister so my parents brought her in. She wasn’t too sure about what was going on but made sure she checked out O really well before she was off running the halls again. While my parents were still there, our pediatrician came in to check out O. M and I sat there beaming at what an adorable baby girl we had. As we were waiting to hear the “she is perfect” report, we heard something totally different instead. The Dr. turned to us and said “I think O has Down Syndrome” and in that second, our perfect little world fell apart. The thought of our child having anything wrong with her had never crossed our minds. We know nothing about Down Syndrome and the worst case scenarios are going through our minds. Will our child ever walk? Talk? Live independently? We aren’t the kind of people that can raise a child with special needs. How could this happen to us, to our child? The genetic tests gave us one in 5,200 odds against this! Why us? What did we do to deserve this? How could God let this happen? Is there a God? I don’t see how there could be.

Over the next few days and weeks we began to truly doubt the existence of God. How could there be a God that would allow this kind of thing to happen to a child? Something that would never allow her to live a normal life. How could a God exist that would bring something into our lives that would make us not able to love our own child? That is what we struggled with the most, it felt like someone had come in and taken our child and replaced it with an imposter. This is not the child we had planned and so far our lives have gone according to plan. We didn't want her, we wanted to give her back, put her up for adoption, or just leave her at the hospital. We had always said that we would never be able to be good parents to a child with special needs and in the severe depression that followed the news, we were sure she would be better off elsewhere. Our family and friends were a great support system in those dark days and still are. Every time I looked into that sweet face, all I could see was the Down Syndrome. One microscopic thing that changed who I was and made this child of mine seem like a total stranger to me. I found it extremely hard to bond with her or to even care about her. I would never neglect a child, but the emotion wasn't there like it was for E and I felt so guilty for that. So day after day I would go through the motions of taking care of this child and wondering if and when I would be able to see her and love her. There would be momentary glimpses of what that felt like but they never lasted long. Every time I would look at her or watch her do something cute and adorable, all I could think was what it meant in the grand scheme of her DS plagued life.

And then it came, the day where I could finally look at my beautiful little girl and actually enjoy the adorable faces she would make without any DS thoughts. And now I know that her life is not plagued by DS, it is just something that is part of who she is. And I am finally able to love her for who she is and forget about that little extra something she has. It is and always will be in the back of my mind because it will always drive what we do with her throughout her life, but it will never again be the first and only thing I see. I have the most beautiful, amazing little baby, and I am so glad that I can finally see that. I still have my bad days, but I think that can be expected with any child. I now have a totally different definition of “Normal” in my heart and I know that O will have a normal life. She will have successes and failures just like any child. And her successes will be so much more rewarding because we will know all that she has had to overcome to achieve them. And she is surprising everyone on a daily basis with all of the amazing things she is doing. Her therapist cant get over how fabulous she is doing, she is right on target with her milestones with where a typical child should be. She truly is an amazing little girl.

My mom always said something to me that didn’t really hit home until recently. “If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it” and he certainly did. After the dark days passed I began to see the reason God gave us this child. In her short 4 months of life, she has taught everyone that knows her or us very important lessons. I had always told M that if I only teach my children one thing I want it to be acceptance of people for who they are. To never judge someone by their appearance or beliefs and most of all to never make fun of someone that they see as different from them. In her short life, O has already taught so many people that lesson and will continue to every day of her life. She has also taught me the true meaning of unconditional love and allowed me to find the strength I have within myself that I never thought existed. This has allowed me to become closer to everyone in my life and see people for who they truly are by their reaction to our news. I have a new appreciation and love for our family and friends who stood by us and supported us in those dark days and even today. She has allowed me to fall in love with M all over again for what an amazing husband, father and man he is. I am so lucky to have such an amazing man standing by my side no matter what happens in our lives. I thought my life was perfect before but I never realized all that it was missing. And by O having one extra little chromosome, our lives have taken a different path than we expected. And yet another favorite saying of my mom’s fits here too “different isn’t wrong or bad, it is just different.” I am truly blessed to have the life that I have and I owe it to God for choosing it for me because I never would have picked it on my own, and look at all I would be missing.

All I ask from all of you is that the next time you see someone with any kind of disability, please look at them for their abilities not their disabilities. You will be very surprised at what you see, they are more like you and I than you would have guessed. And trust in God that he knows what he is doing, even if you think He is out of His mind at the time.

I also want to thank everyone who stood by us and helped us through this horrible period of our lives, we never could have made it through without your neverending love and support.

Finally, I would like to end with the Serenity Prayer because it has gotten me through so many tough times, especially this most recent struggle…”God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” Amen.

Meeting with the School District SE Dept

Even though O is only 3 months old, we wanted to meet with the SD to find out what their mentality is about SE. Because E is 2 and getting closer and closer to school age, we wanted to know sooner than later so we dont have to switch her school after she starts. they have the exact mindset we are looking for, making sure the child is treated like an individual and making her schooling choices based upon what is best for her, not someone with her condition. we also found out that no matter what school district we live in, she may end up at any other school district based upon what classes she might need to attend. If she needs a life skills class and that is housed within PSD, then she will go there for that. If she needs a learning support class and that is within EPSD, she will go there for that. It all depends on what she needs and where that class is offered. So no matter what SD we live in, she could end up anywhere. It does sound like our SD has the widest range of courses anyway. The majority of the courses are supported by the intermediate unit, but each SD may also have classes that they run too. At least with my sister's kids in EPSD and E in SSD (ours), O has a better chance of having someone around looking out for her.
All in all though, we feel MUCH better about our SD situation!!! Phew!!! That is a huge weight off our shoulders considering we JUST moved into this house and SD in May!