Testament of Faith

My church does what is called a Testament of Faith. Almost every Sunday someone gets up and talks about their faith. Since mine was severely in question for a while after finding out about O's condition and I was able to find my way back, I thought it would be perfect for me to do one for her baptism on Sunday. Please let me know what you think.

It is March 22nd and we have just found out that we are having our second baby girl. We are so excited and can’t wait to meet her. We have had the genetic testing and now the detailed ultrasound which have both told us that our baby girl is perfect in every way. Now all there is to do is start shopping and pick out a name. In the months that followed we found our perfect home and moved in. Our jobs were going well, our oldest daughter was a little angel, and we had the home we always wanted. In short, our life was perfect. M and I were feeling like we were on top of the world and couldn’t wait for our new bundle of joy to arrive. Really, how blessed could 2 people be?

It is now July 26th ~ I have been wanting this baby to arrive ASAP even though she isn’t due until August 8th. Around 430 the contractions had gotten pretty strong and steady and by 630 we were at the hospital. They put us into a room immediately and started setting up for her birth. Before we knew it, it was time to push. 9 pushes and she was out, she was almost in as much of a hurry to be born as I was to have her. She was born at 9:32 pm and was 6 lbs, 5 ½ ounces and 20 ½ inches long. It took us over a half an hour to agree to her name…O Lynn it is. Lynn after my mom Linda and her Auntie Nikki who’s middle name is also Lynn. After a rough night sharing a room with another mom, since the hospital was so full, we were anxious for E to meet her little sister so my parents brought her in. She wasn’t too sure about what was going on but made sure she checked out O really well before she was off running the halls again. While my parents were still there, our pediatrician came in to check out O. M and I sat there beaming at what an adorable baby girl we had. As we were waiting to hear the “she is perfect” report, we heard something totally different instead. The Dr. turned to us and said “I think O has Down Syndrome” and in that second, our perfect little world fell apart. The thought of our child having anything wrong with her had never crossed our minds. We know nothing about Down Syndrome and the worst case scenarios are going through our minds. Will our child ever walk? Talk? Live independently? We aren’t the kind of people that can raise a child with special needs. How could this happen to us, to our child? The genetic tests gave us one in 5,200 odds against this! Why us? What did we do to deserve this? How could God let this happen? Is there a God? I don’t see how there could be.

Over the next few days and weeks we began to truly doubt the existence of God. How could there be a God that would allow this kind of thing to happen to a child? Something that would never allow her to live a normal life. How could a God exist that would bring something into our lives that would make us not able to love our own child? That is what we struggled with the most, it felt like someone had come in and taken our child and replaced it with an imposter. This is not the child we had planned and so far our lives have gone according to plan. We didn't want her, we wanted to give her back, put her up for adoption, or just leave her at the hospital. We had always said that we would never be able to be good parents to a child with special needs and in the severe depression that followed the news, we were sure she would be better off elsewhere. Our family and friends were a great support system in those dark days and still are. Every time I looked into that sweet face, all I could see was the Down Syndrome. One microscopic thing that changed who I was and made this child of mine seem like a total stranger to me. I found it extremely hard to bond with her or to even care about her. I would never neglect a child, but the emotion wasn't there like it was for E and I felt so guilty for that. So day after day I would go through the motions of taking care of this child and wondering if and when I would be able to see her and love her. There would be momentary glimpses of what that felt like but they never lasted long. Every time I would look at her or watch her do something cute and adorable, all I could think was what it meant in the grand scheme of her DS plagued life.

And then it came, the day where I could finally look at my beautiful little girl and actually enjoy the adorable faces she would make without any DS thoughts. And now I know that her life is not plagued by DS, it is just something that is part of who she is. And I am finally able to love her for who she is and forget about that little extra something she has. It is and always will be in the back of my mind because it will always drive what we do with her throughout her life, but it will never again be the first and only thing I see. I have the most beautiful, amazing little baby, and I am so glad that I can finally see that. I still have my bad days, but I think that can be expected with any child. I now have a totally different definition of “Normal” in my heart and I know that O will have a normal life. She will have successes and failures just like any child. And her successes will be so much more rewarding because we will know all that she has had to overcome to achieve them. And she is surprising everyone on a daily basis with all of the amazing things she is doing. Her therapist cant get over how fabulous she is doing, she is right on target with her milestones with where a typical child should be. She truly is an amazing little girl.

My mom always said something to me that didn’t really hit home until recently. “If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it” and he certainly did. After the dark days passed I began to see the reason God gave us this child. In her short 4 months of life, she has taught everyone that knows her or us very important lessons. I had always told M that if I only teach my children one thing I want it to be acceptance of people for who they are. To never judge someone by their appearance or beliefs and most of all to never make fun of someone that they see as different from them. In her short life, O has already taught so many people that lesson and will continue to every day of her life. She has also taught me the true meaning of unconditional love and allowed me to find the strength I have within myself that I never thought existed. This has allowed me to become closer to everyone in my life and see people for who they truly are by their reaction to our news. I have a new appreciation and love for our family and friends who stood by us and supported us in those dark days and even today. She has allowed me to fall in love with M all over again for what an amazing husband, father and man he is. I am so lucky to have such an amazing man standing by my side no matter what happens in our lives. I thought my life was perfect before but I never realized all that it was missing. And by O having one extra little chromosome, our lives have taken a different path than we expected. And yet another favorite saying of my mom’s fits here too “different isn’t wrong or bad, it is just different.” I am truly blessed to have the life that I have and I owe it to God for choosing it for me because I never would have picked it on my own, and look at all I would be missing.

All I ask from all of you is that the next time you see someone with any kind of disability, please look at them for their abilities not their disabilities. You will be very surprised at what you see, they are more like you and I than you would have guessed. And trust in God that he knows what he is doing, even if you think He is out of His mind at the time.

I also want to thank everyone who stood by us and helped us through this horrible period of our lives, we never could have made it through without your neverending love and support.

Finally, I would like to end with the Serenity Prayer because it has gotten me through so many tough times, especially this most recent struggle…”God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” Amen.

Meeting with the School District SE Dept

Even though O is only 3 months old, we wanted to meet with the SD to find out what their mentality is about SE. Because E is 2 and getting closer and closer to school age, we wanted to know sooner than later so we dont have to switch her school after she starts. they have the exact mindset we are looking for, making sure the child is treated like an individual and making her schooling choices based upon what is best for her, not someone with her condition. we also found out that no matter what school district we live in, she may end up at any other school district based upon what classes she might need to attend. If she needs a life skills class and that is housed within PSD, then she will go there for that. If she needs a learning support class and that is within EPSD, she will go there for that. It all depends on what she needs and where that class is offered. So no matter what SD we live in, she could end up anywhere. It does sound like our SD has the widest range of courses anyway. The majority of the courses are supported by the intermediate unit, but each SD may also have classes that they run too. At least with my sister's kids in EPSD and E in SSD (ours), O has a better chance of having someone around looking out for her.
All in all though, we feel MUCH better about our SD situation!!! Phew!!! That is a huge weight off our shoulders considering we JUST moved into this house and SD in May!

Daddy's 21 things

Funny how we hardly duplicated anything!!! But, you do need to get the tissues...
1. O’s middle name “Lynn” is shared with her Aunt N and Nana
2. O rolled over from her belly to her back at 5 weeks – on purpose
3. O legs are very strong and active – just ask her mom how much she kicked her while in the womb
4. O has deep blue eyes just like her daddy
5. O has taught a 12 year old boy that it is not nice to make fun of others because their different. This same little boy went to school and told his friends the same thing
6. O has brought her daddy closer to his father
7. O’s OT calls her “Fabulous”
8. O is the rockstar of day-care. When she enters, all the kids get up from what they are doing, come over to her and say hello. She has stolen the spotlight from her older sister
9. She is stubborn and determined to do things her way and shows us daily
10. Loves her Baby Einstein musical, flashing star
11. Looks cute in purple, light green and peach
12. Has gas that could clear a room or make your eyes water
13. on that note, burps like a drunken sailor
14. Has taught her mommy and daddy that life goes on and our love will get us through anything 15. O’s smile can make any bad day, great
16. O can hold her head up unassisted on tummy time and can almost fully support her weight with her arms fully extended
17. O loves being held and snuggling when she is tired
18. O took her first long road trip at 8 weeks to Ohio (7 hours) for her cousins second birthday party
19. Has slept through the night since she was 1 week old
20. O raised the most money for her local Buddy Walk
21. Last but not least, taught her daddy to love unconditionally

God, I love this man!!!!

21 about my 21

Here is a challenge I received on a DS chat room that I thought was blog-worthy. Here are 21 things about O, my angel with an extra 21.

1~Smiles with her eyes
2~Loves laying on her changing table
3~Holds onto my shirt or necklace when nursing
4~Mesmerized by everything big sis does
5~Loves to talk already
6~Eats her vitamins like a champ
7~Sleeps all night for her tired mommy
8~Nosy, always alert and checking things out (esp. big sis)
9~Looks like a little angel when sleeping
10~"Sleep walks"-never even close to where we put her in the crib when we get her out
11~Loves mommy's singing for some strange reason
12~Goes nuts (smiling, waving arms & legs) when daddy talks to her
13~Cant keep her nuk in even though she wants it badly
14~Belches and toots like a man
15~Rolling from belly to back since 5 weeks old
16~Makes the most ADORABLE faces
17~Hates tummy time, but learning to tolerate it
18~Impressing OT every visit, she wants to tape her because no one believes how well she is doing
19~Sweetest, most angelic tempered baby
20~Has the most adorable dimples when she smiles
21~Already sucking thumb and exploring things with her mouth

First real Trick Or Treat

We took E last year but she was only 9 months so she didnt have a clue what was going on. On top of that it was rainy and freezing so we only made it to a few houses. Last night we took the girls trick or treating with my sister & her 2 boys and a bunch of friends and kids. All in all we had 9 kids and 8 adults so pretty good ratio of adults to kids, esp since one of the kids is only 3 months old and rode in the stroller the whole time.
At first E was afraid of everything and wouldnt let daddy put her down. About half way through she caught onto the concept and decided she wanted to run from house to house with the other kids and was pushing her way to the front of the pack when it came time to get candy. Her "trick or treat" got better and better all night. By the end it was pretty much "tricky treat" but adorable anyway. It was such a fun night and I am so excited that we get to do it again tonight!!!
As always, O was the perfect baby for us and seemed to enjoy herself.
E was a lady bug because that is her nickname and O was a butterfly because that is her nickname. They made the cutest bugs I have ever seen! This is one proud mommy! I don't know how we will top this cuteness next year!

Thursday's post that I forgot to copy and upload!

The most delicious way to increase your milk for those nursing moms!!!!

Housepoet's Famous Lactation Boosting Oatmeal, Chocolate Chip & Flaxseed cookies (tm) Ingredients :
* 1 cup butter or marg
* 1 cup sugar
* 1 cup brown sugar
* 4 tablespoons water
* 2 tablespoons flaxseed meal*
* 2 large eggs
* 1 teaspoon vanilla
* 2 cups flour
* 1 teaspoon baking soda
* 1 teaspoon salt
* 3 cups oats, thick cut if you can get them
* 1 cup or more chocolate chips
* 2-4 tablespoons of brewers yeast* (be generous)

Directions:
Preheat oven at 375 degrees F. Mix together 2 tablespoons of flaxseed meal and water, set aside for 3-5 minutes. Cream (beat well) margarine and sugar. Add eggs one at a time, mix well. Stir flaxseed mixture and add with vanilla to the margarine mix. Beat until blended. Sift together dry ingredients, except oats and chips. Add to margarine mixture. Stir in oats then chips. Scoop or drop onto baking sheet, preferably lined with parchment or silpat. The dough is a little crumbly, so it helps to use a scoop.

Bake 8-12 minutes, depending on size of cookies.

Serves: 6 dozen cookies

Preparation time: 15 minutes

*can be found at any local health food store.
*NOTE* IT MUST BE BREWERS YEAST, NO SUBSTITUTIONS.

O Update...

It has been a while so I thought I would post an update on O. I started back to work on Friday and she has been doing fantastic at daycare. She is such an easy baby for them just like she is for us. She truly is a little angel!!
At her therapy appointment on Friday the OT asked if she could video tape her during one of her appointments. She has been telling her colleagues how well O is doing but no one believes that she is doing all that she is doing. She is cooing and talking up a storm already. When she is on tummy time she is pushing up and locking her elbows. She has been using her Bumbo seat for the past few weeks and sits up in it so nicely. She is making all sorts of faces and moving her mouth in lots of different ways which the OT says is going to be great for her speech development. We use the nuk massager and she curls her tongue around it. She has also been nursing off the shield for over a month now. Today's therapy appointment went pretty well. O was hungry so the OT didnt get as much out of the appointment as she normally does. She did do well bringing her hands midline to grasp her rattle and bring it to her mouth. That is a huge step for her. It truly is amazing how well she is doing and we are such proud parents right now. Just thinking about what a superstar she is makes me cry.
We got approved for the medical assistance through the government and got her card in the mail on Friday. Her Dr. office is in the process of working with them to try to get the RSV shots covered. Keep your fingers crossed that they approve it! I am so scared for her if she doesn't get it. I guess that is about it for now! We are so happy with how well everything is going with her and pray that it continues to go really well.